Page 92 of A Legacy of Poison and Lies

“Look at me,” she said softly.

His eyes lifted to meet hers.

“I’m okay, Holt. Truly.” So many times she’d been given a second chance. And finally, it felt as if something had snapped inside her. Or smoothed over. Not because she was no longer half Fae, but because for the first time in months, she could think clearly.

“I thought I was a monster,” she confessed as she held his gaze. “A murderer. That they died because of me. Mala, Asha. My father. Raif.” She saw the way Holt’s mouth moved, as if he were about to say something, to protest, but he pressed his lips together.

“I thought I had dragged Raif along and that he was gone because of me. And I hated myself for it. Every day I hated myself for not giving him something better before he died. I thought the guilt was going to eat me alive. Not just because I didn’t love him enough but because I…” She bit down on her lip, fighting back the sudden twist of fear that squeezed tightly around her heart.

It was as if she were on the edge of a precipice, one that she’d been standing on for too long now, too afraid to let herself fall. But Holt’s eyes shuttered at her admission, and she knew at once it had been the wrong thing to say. That the words had come out wrong.

His attention fell back to their hands. “You should get some more rest before we have to leave.”

“Don’t do that. Try to wrap me up like I’m some fragile thing that can be broken. I know I haven’t been… okay for a while, but every day it gets a little bit better. Don’t push me away when I’m just starting to figure things out.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers, the shadows in them diminishing as one hand pressed lightly to the side of her face. “I don’t think you’re fragile. I think you’re strong and brave, and even on your darkest days you never gave up. Never gave in.” His thumb hooked under the strap of her nightgown where it had slipped off her shoulder, his touch sending shivers along her skin as he readjusted it.

“You’ve been a big part of that, Holt. More than you could ever know.”

“I lied to you,” he said quietly, his attention fixed on his fingers brushing her shoulder.

“When?” Her voice came out like a whisper, soft and breathy, and she caught the shift in his scent. Knew what it meant. Knew she couldn’t keep her desire hidden from him any longer even if she wanted to.

“When I agreed with you. When you said hearts cannot be owned.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest as she’d done. “It’s always been yours.” His eyes dipped to her mouth for a moment. Then he took in her face, her ears, and then the light in his eyes seemed to dim. “But you and Raif…”

Zylah shook her head. “I told you I felt guilty about my father’s death. About Raif’s. But I also felt that way because of this.” She waved a hand between them. “Because of you.” He rose from the bed as if the words had unsettled him. She hadn’t meant for it to sound as if she were blaming him. “Is this because of—”

“It’s because you’re still healing, and I can’t trust myself around you. And because—”

A knock sounded at the door. “Zylah?” Rin’s voice carried through the wall.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Holt said quietly, already halfway through the door between their two rooms.

Zylah looked away for a moment just as Rin stepped into her room, and when she looked back, Holt had already gone.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Zylahwilledherheartto steady. Willed herself to wear a blank expression, to not let Rin see that inside she felt as if she were falling, tumbling in a free fall with no end.

“Deyna told me you were awake. Shit, did I just interrupt something?” the Fae asked, following Zylah’s gaze to Holt’s door and wrinkling her nose.

Zylah shook her head and put on a bright smile. “It’s fine. It’s good to see you.”

She tried to hide her surprise at Rin’s hug, keeping her smile plastered in place.

“I’m supposed to be mad at you,” the Fae murmured into Zylah’s hair.

“Mad?”

Rin pulled back to inspect Zylah, her eyes passing over the pointed ears. “You didn’t tell us you were sick. We just thought you were unhappy, that you needed time.” She looked as flustered as she had in Arlan’s presence that evening at the dinner table.

“I’m sorry,” Zylah said quietly.

“No, it’s not…” Rin grabbed Zylah’s hands. “I’msorry. We should have been paying closer attention. I’m just glad you’re okay. We thought you were…” Her voice caught for a moment. “Both of you.”Dead.She didn’t need to say the word. She glanced over her shoulder to Holt’s door, a frown etched across her forehead. “Mother received everything you sent.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t much use if Deyna was here.”

“The ingredients arrived before Deyna did.” Rin squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”

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