There was something in his tone that made her chest ache, but she said nothing. Because there was no point trying to argue with him. Her life before she’d fled Dalstead had been a lie, and her life since had been nothing but running. From Marcus, from herself.

The forest was quiet; nothing but the crunch of twigs and leaves beneath the horses’ hooves, and the strange grey light that seemed to cling to everything in winter.

Zylah looked up to find Holt frowning at her, still waiting for a response. She swallowed down the guilt, too proud to admit to him that he was right. The guilt was going to eat her whole; not just because Raif had died… but because… Zylah couldn’t finish the thought.

Kopi landed on her mare’s head, and she watched him settle for a nap. She wished she could look inside herself and find even a fragment of the person she used to be before Raif and her father had died. The person that had run from Arnir’s men with only one thought on repeat:Live. Live. Live.

But no matter how hard she looked, that person was gone. “Did you get what you needed from Mae?” she forced herself to ask.

“She’s promised her archers.”

“Do you trust her?”After everything, she wanted to say.

Holt handed her the canister of Ellisar’s spelled water. “No. I didn’t want to risk asking her about a healer.”

A healer for her, he meant. She didn’t tell him how deep the pain ran. How it simmered beneath her skin day and night. Though she’d woken up again feeling better than usual, and she suspected he’d had something to do with that.

“Lana and Ellisar think highly of you,” Zylah said, flicking her chin towards the canister before taking a swig. The forest had thickened, with no sign of any road or trail, the horses taking a steady pace between the creaking boughs.

“I won’t pull them away from their family.”

Because he had lost his own. She didn’t need him to say it to know it was what he meant. How he wouldn’t let anyone fight on his behalf. For him. “How do you know how to speak with Lana?”

“My sister couldn’t use her voice. Lana taught her, taught my whole family how to speak with our hands so Adina never felt alone.” His gaze was ahead, deep into the forest, and Zylah was certain it was his sister he saw and not the empty forest that sprawled before them.

Her back ached but she let the feeling pass through her in waves, let it anchor her to her saddle. She thought of Holt with his family, of what their meal times might look like, laughing and signing to each other, Adina beaming back at them all. Happy. Whole. And Marcus had taken it all away, taken everything from Holt, even his freedom.

She thought about the debt he owed Marcus. If there was any way out of it. Okwata’s words replayed in her thoughts, and she realised a shadow hung over Holt, too. “Ahrek and Okwata didn’t seem like old friends,” she said at last. “Do you trust them?”

“They gave you the book, didn’t they?” His voice was distant, as if he were still lost in the memory of his family.

She thought back on the conversations she’d had with Okwata, the knowledge he’d shared. He wasn’t familiar with the plants, but he had a wisdom to him, a kind of deeper, ancient knowledge Zylah couldn’t place. “You know they were wearing deceits?”

Holt raised an eyebrow as he glanced at her, and she knew he was waiting for more.

“I don’t know where they’re from, but Ahrek… he wasn’t like any other faerie I’ve seen before.” And why disguise themselves in a court full of faeries? It didn’t make any sense.

“A risk for them to be around Thallan.” Holt held out a hand and a brin fruit appeared in it. He offered it to her, but she shook her head. “You did well with him, he had a lot of questions about you.”

About Rose, most likely. Zylah pushed out a breath. “It wasn’t enough. Is it possible to keep him out?”

Holt studied the brin fruit in his palm with a frown. “I had no idea he’d be there; I would have helped you prepare.” He met her gaze. “I’m sorry for putting you in that situation.” He pocketed the fruit, untouched, but before Zylah had the chance to protest, he said, “Mae appointed him a general after the last uprising. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have taken you there.”

“A good choice for a general. Someone who can slip inside people’s minds without warning.” A strange match for a seer, though. Zylah couldn’t help but wonder if it was part of the reason why Rose had rejected him.

“That particular skillset takes its toll,” Holt said quietly. “Thallan’s brother was driven mad by it.”

“His brother?”

Holt nodded.

“Raif told me once that Rose’s mate had been driven mad from the rejection.”

Holt pushed out a breath. “Raif was always very protective over Rose, even though she’s the older of the two. Both Thallan and Rogan loved her, but the bond is only easy to disguise for so long. Thallan caught Rose and Rogan together one day, and it didn’t end well.”

Zylah didn’t want to think about what damage a fight between two minds could do, how it could likely rob someone of any semblance of self. “Did Rose know that Thallan was her mate?”

“I don’t know. But even if she hadn’t felt it…” A frown creased his features for a moment, but then it was gone. “There is very little Rose doesn’t see.”