Page 61 of Now and Forever

“Not all dogs bite, Flyn,” I say as warmly as I can.

“I don’t want a dog,” he insists.

I don’t say anything else. I lie on my side and look at Eric. Flyn is in the middle, and he quickly turns his back to me. Of course! With his eyes, Eric asks for my forgiveness, and I wink at him. Minutes later, my boyfriend turns off the light. And, even in the darkness, I know he’s smiling and looking at me. I know it.

18

It’s the night before Epiphany, and we’ll be having dinner at Eric’s mother’s house. During these days, I’ve seen my German work from home, but he hasn’t said anything about going to the office. I want to see it, but I would rather the idea of my going to the office come from him.

Flyn still won’t give me a break. Everything I do bothers him, and that means Eric and I rub each other the wrong way every once in a while. But I’ll say this: I recognize it’s Eric who always makes the adjustment so the argument won’t get out of hand. He knows the boy isn’t being very nice, and he tries to be understanding.

My relationship with Susto progresses accordingly. He doesn’t run away anymore when he sees me. We’ve become friends. He’s realized I can be trusted, and he lets me touch him. He has a terrible cough that scares me. You can see on his face he has a good heart, and every time I sneak out to remake his little house and give him food, the poor thing thanks me the way he knows best: by licking me, wagging his tail, and doing all sorts of pirouettes.

When we get to Sonia’s house in the evening, Marta, Eric’s sister, welcomes us with a huge smile.

“It’s so good you’re here!”

Eric grimaces. He doesn’t like these little parties at his mother’s house, but he knows he can’t skip them. He does it for Flyn, not for himself. Eric introduces me as his girlfriend to the other people in the living room. I see the pride in his eyes and notice how possessively he holds on to me.

When he starts talking business with several other men just a few minutes later, I decide to look for Marta. Just as I step away, a young man greets me.

“Hi, I’m Jurgen. You’re Judith, right? I’m Eric’s cousin.” And then, in a whisper, he adds, “The one who races motocross.”

My face brightens with delight, and I end up in a conversation with him. He tells me about various places where people practice the sport, and I promise to check them out. I’m looking forward to riding Hannah’s bike. It was Sonia who told him I practice motocross, and he is very enthusiastic. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Eric watching me and probably trying to figure out what we’re talking about. In two seconds flat, he’s at my side.

“Jurgen, it’s been so long since I last saw you!” Eric says as he slides his arm around my waist.

The cousins smile.

“Could it be because you don’t let yourself be seen very much?”

Eric nods. “I’ve been very busy.”

Jurgen doesn’t mention motocross again, and almost immediately they begin to engage in a very boring conversation. Once more, I decide to look for Marta. I find her smoking in the kitchen.

She offers me a cigarette. I don’t usually smoke, but I always want to around her, and so I take one.

Standing there, in our glamorous dresses, the two of us smoke as we talk.

“How’s it going with Flyn?”

“Uff, he’s declared war,” I say.

“If it gives you any comfort,” she says, leaning her head toward me and whispering, “he’s declared war on all women.”

“But why?”

“According to the psychologist, it’s because of losing his mother,” she says, smiling. “Flyn thinks women are circumstantial and that we come and go in his life. That’s why he tries not to show any feelings toward us. He’s the same with Mother and me. He never shows us any affection, and, whenever possible, he rejects us. But, well, we’ve gotten used to it. The person he loves above everyone else is Eric. He seems to feel a special love for him; there are times I don’t always think it’s healthy.”

We’re quiet for a few seconds, and then I can’t stand it anymore.

“Marta, I’d like to respond to what you’ve just said, but it may bother you. I’m not anyone to offer my opinion on this subject, but if I don’t say something, I’m going to explode.”

“Go on,” she says, grinning. “I promise I won’t get mad.”

I take a drag on my cigarette and exhale.

“From my point of view, the boy is focused on Eric because he’s the only one who has never abandoned him. And, before you say anything, I know neither you nor your mother has abandoned him, but what I’m trying to say is that maybe Eric is the only one who interacts with him emotionally, who gets angry with him sometimes and tries to make him reason, and, on important dates, for example, New Year’s Eve, stays with him. Flyn is a child, and children only look for love and security. And if he, because of what happened with his mother, is reluctant to love a woman, then it’s up to you two to do everything possible so he’ll realize that although his mother is gone, you two women are still here, that you have never abandoned him.”

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