Page 143 of Now and Forever

“Yes.”

“Then why? I’m right here. What do you need to happen before you talk to me and try to forgive me? I’m human, and I make mistakes. I’ll own up to what I did with the bike. I should have told you. But, c’mon, have I forbidden you from Olympic shooting? No, right? And why not, even though I hate guns? It’s easy, Eric. Because I love you, and I respect that you like something I don’t. As far as Flyn is concerned, you’re right. You said no to the skateboard, but the kid needed to learn so he could show the kids who call him a scaredy-cat and a chicken that he can be one of them and ride a goddamned skateboard. Oh! Not to mention that he likes a girl in his class and wants to impress her. Did you know that?” He shakes his head. “As for your mother and sister, they asked me not to say anything, to keep their secret, so I did. When my father kept your secret about buying the house in Jerez, should I have gotten angry with him? C’mon, please ... I’ve only done what all families do: keep little secrets and try to help each other. And as for Betta, oh God! Every time I think about her touching you in front of me, I see red.”

“I’ve heard enough.”

“You’re just waiting for me to leave, aren’t you?”

I can see my question surprises him. “Why did you tell Flyn I might be leaving? Maybe that’s what you’re going to ask me to do, and you’re already preparing the kid for it?”

“I didn’t say that to Flyn. What are you talking about?”

“I don’t believe you.”

He doesn’t respond right away.

“I don’t know what to do with you, Jude. I love you, but you drive me crazy. I need you, but you exasperate me. I adore you, but ...”

After so many days of his not speaking to me, I’m a tsunami, and I just keep going.

“You should change your name and call yourself Mr. Perfect. What? You never make mistakes? Oh no! Mr. Zimmerman is God!”

“Do you want to shut up and listen to me? I need to tell you something, and I want to ask you to—”

“You want to ask me to leave, right? I just have to break one more rule for you to throw me out of your life again.”

We look at each other like rivals.

Still, I want to kiss him. But now is not the time for that. Then the office door opens, and Björn comes in with a bottle of champagne in his hands. He looks at us, and before he can say a word, I grab him around the neck and kiss him on the lips. I push my tongue into his mouth, and he looks at me in shock.

“I just broke your big rule. From now on, my mouth is not just yours.”

Eric’s expression is indescribable. I know he wasn’t expecting that from me. And Björn is clearly flabbergasted.

“I’ll make it easy for you. You don’t have to throw me out, because now I’m leaving. I’ll collect my things and disappear from your house and your life forever. I’m tired. Tired of having to hide things from you. Tired of your rules. Just plain tired,” I say. “I’m only going to ask you for one last favor: I need your plane to take me, Susto, and my things to Madrid. I don’t want to put Susto in a cage in the cargo hold of a plane and ...”

“Why won’t you shut up?”

“Because I just don’t feel like it.”

“Kids, please, calm down,” Björn says. “I think you’re both exaggerating things and ...”

“I’ve been quiet,” I say, ignoring Björn and addressing Eric, “for four days, and you haven’t thought twice about what I might be thinking or feeling. You haven’t cared about my pain, my fury, or my frustration. So, don’t ask me to shut up now because I won’t do it.”

Björn watches us, stunned.

“He’s not leaving, and you’re not either!”

After his outburst, I raise my chin and push my hair out of my face.

“Fine! Don’t help me. Susto can stay with you, and I’ll find a way to take him later. But on Sunday, I’m leaving!”

“Then go, damn it!” he shouts, finally losing control.

Just like that, I leave the office, feeling again like my heart is split in two.

That night, I sleep in my room, and Eric doesn’t come to find me. He’s not worried about me, and that saps the very last of my hope. I’ve achieved his goal. I’ve made it easy, so he doesn’t have to be the one who throws me out of his house and his life. Lying on the fluffy rug next to Susto, I look out the window, aware that my beautiful love story with Eric has finally ended.

When he goes to work the next day like nothing is wrong, I’m shattered. In the kitchen, Simona says hello, unaware of my sorrow. I drink my coffee in silence, then ask her to sit beside me. When I tell her I’m leaving, her face contracts, and, for the first time in all the months I’ve spent here, I see her cry. She hugs me, and I hug her.

---