Page 141 of Now and Forever

“Yes, of course, if only it were so easy to say something to Mr. Grumpy!” Marta protests. “You must love him a lot because otherwise I don’t know why you put up with him. I love him; he’s my brother, but I assure you, I can’t stand him sometimes.”

“Marta,” Sonia whispers, “don’t be so hard on Eric.”

She stands up and lights a cigarette. I ask her for one too.

When I leave the kitchen twenty minutes later, I go down to Eric’s office. I take a deep breath and enter.

“What do you want, Judith?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ...”

“I don’t need your apologies. You lied.”

“You’re right. I hid things from you but ...”

“You lied to me this whole time. You hid important things from me when you knew you shouldn’t. Am I such an ogre that you can’t tell me anything?”

I don’t answer. We just look at each other.

“What does ‘now and forever’ really mean to you? What does the commitment of being together mean to you?”

His questions throw me off. I don’t know what to say.

“Look, Judith, I’m pissed off at you and at myself,” he finally says. “It’d be better for you to leave me alone so I can think. I need to calm down so I don’t say or do something I’ll regret.”

His words infuriate me. “Are you already throwing me out of your life like you do every time you get mad?”

He doesn’t answer, so I turn around and walk out.

With tears in my eyes, I go back to my room and shut the door. I know his anger is justified. I know I asked for it, but he has to realize that if I didn’t tell him anything, it was because we all feared his reactions. I regret it. I regret it very much, but there’s nothing I can do now.

Ten minutes later, Marta and Sonia come to say goodbye. They’re worried. I smile and tell them they can go, that there’s no problem.

Once they’ve gone, I sit and think for hours and feel sorry for myself. At one point, I hear a car driving away. I look out the window and see it’s Eric who’s leaving. I look for Simona, but before I can even ask, she explains, “He’s going to see Björn. He said he won’t be long.”

I close my eyes and sigh. I go up to Flyn’s room, and, when he sees me, the boy smiles. He looks better than he did last night. I sit down on his bed and touch his head.

“How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Does your arm hurt?”

The kid nods and smiles.

“Oh my God! Darling, you broke a tooth too!”

I look so alarmed that Flyn murmurs, “Don’t worry. Grandma Sonia says it’s made of milk.” I chuckle at that, and he surprises me with his next words. “I’m sorry my uncle is so mad. I won’t ride the skateboard again. You warned me to never use it if you weren’t there. But I was bored and ...”

“Don’t worry, Flyn. These things happen sometimes. When I was a little girl, I broke my leg doing a jump on my bike and, years later, my arm too. Things happen because they have to happen. Really, don’t give it another thought.”

“I don’t want you to leave, Judith! I’m all mixed up.”

“Did your uncle say I’m going to leave?”

The kid shakes his head no, but I draw my own conclusions.

I swallow the knot of emotions fighting to push up through my throat. I breathe in.

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