Page 150 of Now and Forever

After I’ve been in Jerez for a week, I call Sonia in Germany. She seems very happy to get my call, and I’m surprised when she tells me Flyn is with her. Eric’s traveling. I’m tempted to ask if he’s in London, but I decide not to. I’m torturing myself enough. I talk to the boy for a long time. Neither of us mentions his uncle, and when Sonia takes the phone back, she murmurs, “Are you all right, treasure?”

“Yes, I’m with my father in Jerez, and he fusses over me like I need.”

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m going to tell you anyway: Eric doesn’t say anything, but he misses you a lot. I’m his mother, and, even though he doesn’t tell me about it or let me look after him, I know it.”

We talk for a while longer, and before hanging up, I ask her to please not tell Eric I called. I don’t want him to think I want to turn his family against him.

After ten days in Jerez with my father, feeling the warmth of his love, I decide to return to Madrid. He goes with me. He wants to see my sister and make sure we’re both all right. The first thing we do as soon as we arrive is go to see my niece. The little girl hugs me and gives me lots of kisses, but she quickly asks about her uncle Eric.

Luz keeps pestering me about her uncle, so I decide to talk to her about it. I don’t know how she might be affected by her mother’s separation and now my own. Once we’re alone, she also asks me about the boy. I scold her for not calling Flyn by his name, but when she’s not looking at me, I chuckle. That little girl is a menace. When I tell her Eric and I are no longer together, she protests and gets mad. She wants her uncle Eric. I fuss over her and try to make her understand Eric still loves her, and she finally agrees.

“Auntie, why don’t my parents love each other anymore?” she asks all of a sudden.

What a question! What can I tell her?

I answer while I brush her pretty, dark hair. “Your parents will love each other their whole lives. They just realized they’re happier living separately.”

“But if they love each other, why do they fight so much?”

I give her a kiss on the head.

“Luz, people can love each other even though they fight. If I spend a long time around your mommy, we sometimes fight, right?” The little girl nods. “Well, you should never doubt that even though I fight with her, I love her very much. Raquel is my sister, and she’s one of the most important people in my life. It’s just that adults sometimes have different opinions about many things, and so we fight. That’s why your parents separated.”

“Why aren’t you with Uncle Eric? Because of different opinions?”

“You could say that.”

Luz fixes her little eyes on me and asks again, “But you still love him?”

I sigh. Luz and her questions!

“Of course. People don’t stop loving each other from one day to the next.”

“And he still loves you?”

I think, think hard, and, after considering my response, I say, “Yes, I think he does.”

The door opens, and my sister walks in. She looks amazing in her maternity dress. Behind her comes my father.

“Are you ready to go get a snack in the park?”

“Yeah!” Luz and I applaud.

My father picks up the camera.

“Stay like that for a moment. I’m going to take a photo of you. You all look lovely!”

40

One morning, after hours of indecision, I call the Müller offices on the phone and talk to Gerardo. Delighted to speak to me, he tells me he was expecting my call. I ask him about Miguel, and he tells me he’s traveling and will be back on Monday. Then we talk about work, and he asks what day I want to come back. It’s Wednesday, so I decide to go in on Monday. He accepts. When I hang up, my heart is beating so fast. I’m returning to the place where it all began.

On Friday, I go to my friend Nacho’s tattoo shop. When he sees me at the door, he opens his arms, and I go running to meet him. We go out for drinks that night, and we don’t stop until the early hours of the morning.

On Sunday night, I can’t sleep. The next day, I am returning to Müller. When the alarm clock goes off, I get up, take a shower, and then get in my car and drive to the office. When I am in the parking lot, my heart starts thumping hard. After stopping by HR, I’m back at my desk, my heart lodged in my throat. I’m so nervous.

Several coworkers come to say hello. They all seem happy to see me again, and I’m thankful for their welcome. When I am alone, thousands of memories rush up. I sit down at my desk, but my eyes fly to my right, to Eric’s office, my crazy, sexy Mr. Zimmerman. I step up, open the door, and look around. Everything is just like it was the day I left. I pass my hand over the desk he touched, and, when I walk into the archive room, I feel like crying. I’ve had so many good, beautiful, hot moments with him here.

When I hear noise in the office next door, I assume my boss has arrived. I carefully step out of the archive room through Eric’s old office and go back to my desk. I straighten out my blue suit jacket, raise my chin, and decide to introduce myself. I knock on the door and walk in, my eyes as big as saucers.

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