Page 70 of Tell Me What You Want

“I’m waiting for your answer, Jude,” he says, insisting when he notices my lack of response.

“Listen, can you just forget about Fernando once and for all? I don’t know where you’re going with all this, but I don’t think I’ve ever asked you for anything—”

“I won’t give you anything other than sex.”

I’m startled by his abrupt response. I don’t understand his mood swings. One minute, he’s looking at me with such devotion; and the next, he’s telling me there is and never will be anything between us but sex.

“Fine, Eric. I’m old enough to choose who I sleep with.”

“Of course. And I hope you do. But I haven’t given you an option.”

“Oh no?”

“No, Jude. Simply put, I liked you and I went for it. Which is what I do whenever I’m attracted to someone.”

That response really hits a raw nerve.

“Right now, you’re acting like a dickhead.”

He doesn’t move. He doesn’t say anything.

He just sits there and absorbs my insults.

“Jude ... insult me if you like, but you know it’s the truth. Just a bit ago, you said you didn’t want to get involved in my games, remember?”

“I like everything I do with you,” I say, losing all the sensibility he claims I have. “I’m intrigued by your games and ...”

“I know, sweetness, I know,” he says, his hand on my leg. “Which doesn’t change that I’m not the man you deserve and that another will probably make you happier.” It’s clear whom he’s talking about even though, this time, he’s not using his name. “Look, Jude, I like sex, I like experimenting, and I love to see a woman enjoying herself. Right now, that woman is you, but there’s something in me that tells me to stop, that I shouldn’t bring you any further into my game, or ...”

“I’m not the saint you think I am. I’ve had several relationships and—”

“Jude,” he says, interrupting me, “whatever you’ve done with your previous relationships has nothing to do with what I want you to do with me.”

My stomach tightens. Thinking about what he wants me to do with him makes my mouth dry.

“What do you want me to do with you?”

“Everything, Jude, I want you to do everything with me.”

“And we’re still strictly talking about sex?”

The question throws him off.

His eyes don’t deceive me. I know there’s something he’s keeping to himself, and I need to know what it is.

“No. And that’s the problem. I can’t let you grow fond of me.”

“But why not?”

He doesn’t respond.

He brings his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to look at me. He doesn’t want to answer. He feels something more for me, but he doesn’t want to accept it.

We stay that way for a few minutes, until I bring my mouth close to his.

“I want you.”

Eric keeps his eyes closed. He suddenly seems very tired.

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