Page 40 of Tell Me What You Want

Twenty minutes later, I’m at my desk. Miguel and my supervisor have returned. Eric and I don’t talk; we don’t even look at each other. At two o’clock, his office door opens, and he and my supervisor emerge. “We’re going for a bite to eat, Judith,” she tells me.

I nod and breathe, relieved. I see Miguel gather his things as my phone rings. It’s my sister.

“Judith, you have to come home now!”

I close my eyes and sit down. My legs are shaking. I don’t need her to say any more. I know what’s happening.

When I hang up, I suppress my tears. I don’t want to cry at the office. I’m a tough gal, and that’s not my style. I look for Miguel and find him talking to Eva. They look like they’re flirting. I tell him something urgent has come up and I won’t be back this afternoon, but he’s not paying too much attention. I return to my desk, sit down, drink some water, and gather my things.

My hands are trembling, and my face is flushed. I need to cry. I make the effort to turn off my computer, contain my pain, and make my way to the elevator. When I get to the lobby, I run to the parking lot, and that’s when I let the tears flow.

At home, my sister’s eyes are wet with tears. Curro is having a really hard time breathing. I immediately call my veterinarian. The vet, who’s known me for years, says he’ll wait for me at the clinic.

At four thirty in the afternoon, after a shot the doctor gives him to ease the transition, Curro leaves me. I’m left with a broken heart and the feeling that this is an irreplaceable loss. I lean over his lifeless body on the table. I kiss him and caress his furry head for the last time, as hundreds of tears cloud my eyes.

“Goodbye, love,” I whisper.

15

At seven o’clock the same evening, I find myself sitting on the couch at my sister’s house.

My cell buzzes. My friends want me to go to Cibeles to celebrate the Euro Cup win. But I’m not in the mood for a party. I turn off my cell. I don’t want to hear about anything or anyone. I’m too sad.

My sister hugs me, but inexplicably, I feel a need for the arms of a certain person. Why?

At nine that evening, I turn on my cell and take a call from Fernando. My sister contacted him, and he has offered to come to Madrid to comfort me. I don’t want him to. After talking to him for a few minutes, I hang up and turn off my cell again. I get something to eat and then decide to go home.

When I get there and go to the bathroom to wash my face, I hear a knock on the door. Convinced it’s my sister, I open the door and instead find a grim-faced Mr.Zimmerman. What is he doing here?

He’s surprised when he sees me, and his expression changes completely. Otherwise, he doesn’t move a muscle.

“What’s going on, Jude?”

I can’t respond. I begin to cry again. He remains frozen in place, and so I come up to him, to his chest, and he hugs me. I need that hug. I hear the door close behind him, and I cry shamelessly.

I don’t know how long we’re like that until, suddenly, I become aware his shirt is wet from my tears. I push away from him.

“Curro, my cat, died,” I manage to say.

I can’t help beginning to cry again. I feel him pulling on me when he sits on the couch. He sits me next to him. He is completely flustered. He doesn’t know what to do. Finally, he gets up, brings me a glass of water, and makes me drink. Five minutes later, I feel a little calmer.

“I’m sorry, Jude. I’m so sorry.”

I try to swallow the knot of emotions that threatens to untangle again. Hugging him, I lean my head on his chest. This time, the simple act of his caressing my hair and arm comforts me.

At around midnight, I’m still overwhelmed by sadness, but I can control my body and my words, and I sit up to look at him.

“Thanks,” I say.

He presses his forehead to mine.

“Jude ... why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you and ...”

“I wasn’t alone. My sister was with me at every step.”

Eric rubs his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away my tears.

“You need to rest. You’re exhausted, and you need to relax.”

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