Page 178 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

“For behaving so badly with you lately.”

He smiles. He’s a love.

“It’s not your fault, darling. It’s the hormones.”

That makes me cry again. I have the hiccups now.

“The hormones...I have a lot of guilt around the hormones. I’m so angry lately about everything that—”

“Nothing happened, sweetheart. You’re scared. I understand.”

Eric kisses me. I kiss him.

Eric hugs me. I hug him.

I’m in love and crazy about my German. I point to one side of the bridge.

“That’s where I want to put our lock.”

We get up, holding hands, and walk to where I indicated. I open the padlock and give it a kiss. Eric gives it one too, and then we anchor it to the bridge. Afterward, he takes my hand and throws the key into the river, and we kiss again.

“So, where would you like me to take you to eat?”

I’m not very hungry. My body feels somewhat scrambled, but I don’t want to seem difficult.

“I’m dying for one of Björn’s father’sBrezns, so I can dip it in their special sauce,” I say with a big smile.

When we arrive at the restaurant, we see Björn all dressed up, like Eric, and talking to his father.

“Hey, what are you two doing here?” he asks.

“We came to eat,” I answer.

“She’s dying to eat one of your father’s Brezns with sauce,” explains Eric.

“I’m going to make one for you right now, beautiful,” says Björn’s father. “Please go to room 2. It’s quieter there.”

“Will you join us?” Eric asks his friend.

Björn nods, and, minutes later, I’m enjoying a rich Brezn. When we finish eating, we encourage Björn to come shopping with us. We have to buy the crib for Medusa. We left it until the last minute because we didn’t know the baby’s sex, but then we realized we couldn’t wait anymore.

We go to a huge baby store. In all this time, Eric and I haven’t done much shopping, and now we go wild. We buy the crib; Björn gives us a cute red stroller. We buy everything in sight. We give the store our address so they can deliver everything at home.

Three hours later, Björn and Eric can’t take it anymore, but I want to keep shopping. I suggest they go for coffee or a drink at a bar in the mall, while I go to take a peek at some of the other stores.

They like my idea, and I leave after assuring Eric a thousand times that I have my phone with me.

As I leave the store where I bought the bottle warmer, I’m tired and feel a new contraction. This one’s stronger than the others. I stop and breathe, and, when it passes, I continue on my way.

I try shopping at several more stores, but the contractions repeat. I tell myself they’ll pass. I pull out my cell to call Eric, but I just put it back in my jacket pocket.

It’s June 11, and I’m not due until June 29. I have to calm down. Everything’s fine. I’m not going to alarm him.

I see the Disney Store on the mall’s second floor. I rush to the elevator. I don’t feel like climbing stairs. A girl goes up with me. I like her camouflage pants. I push the button for the second floor, and she pushes the one for four. The elevator doors close and, suddenly, as it goes up, the lights go out, and the elevator comes to an abrupt halt.

The girl and I look at each other and frown. I have yet another contraction. This one’s the strongest and so painful that I drop my shopping bags. I grab the elevator handrail.

“Are you OK?”

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