Page 168 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

We talk for another hour or so, and the place fills up. I yawn without realizing it. Eric kisses me on the neck.

“We’re going home, beautiful.”

“We can stay a little more,” I say. We haven’t been out in a long time.

“Jude, we’ve only come for a drink,” he says, seemingly reading my mind.

I know, but does he have to remind me? Does he think I’m asking for something else? I must look particularly bewildered because we catch Björn’s attention.

“What’s going on?”

“Jude and I are leaving,” Eric says.

I look to Björn for help, but he doesn’t offer any.

“Yes, it’s better if you go now. It’s late for her.”

How is it late for me?

Who do these two think they are, my father?

I want to protest, but I don’t. It won’t do any good anyway.

Once we say goodbye to everyone, Eric and I leave the premises.

“I want to drive,” I say when we get to the car.

Eric looks at me.

“You’re tired, sweetheart. Let me.”

“I’m not.”

My response is so intense that he gives in without a word. I’m behind the wheel, driving in silence. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, looking at me.

“Sweetheart, we only went to have a drink.”

I nod. I don’t say a word. I drive.

Seeing my frown, Eric sighs. He knows me and knows my defenses are up. I watch him open the glove compartment, take out a CD, and put it on. Moments later, our song plays. “Black and White,” by Malú. He’s trying to placate me. But my hormones and my bad mood have come together, and I’m the worst of the worst.

His hand reaches for my hair.

“Better?”

I don’t answer. The reminder that music tames the savage beasts makes me angrier.

“You’re not going to answer me?”

I drive in silence while Malú’s voice rings in the car. It’s for the best. I know if I say anything, it’ll be inappropriate, and I’ll mess everything up.

Eric gives up. He rests his head back while the beautiful song continues. When it’s over and Ricardo Montaner begins to sing “Convénceme,” I hear Eric humming, and I don’t know what happens to me.

I swerve to the right and stop the car.

“Get out of the car.”

Eric looks at me. I look at him.

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