Page 158 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

I never read the wishes he wrote last year, but I’m sure they weren’t as wonderful as these. It’s probably better not to have read them.

I feel good today. I haven’t vomited. When I finish collecting the ornaments, I decide to take a walk in the countryside with Susto and Calamar. Seeing me grab the leashes, they jump like crazy.

How long since I’ve done this?

The field is beautiful. It snowed, and it’s a wonderland all around me. For a long time, I just throw sticks. Susto and Calamar run after them. After spending a very pleasant time out in the fresh air, the three of us return home. It’s the kind of cold that makes your skin peel, and my hands are frozen stiff and very wet.

In the afternoon, when Eric comes home, he gets upset when he finds out I went out alone with the dogs.

“I’m not angry because you went for a walk, Jude, but because you went alone.”

“But what did you want me to do?” I argue. “Simona wasn’t here, and I wanted to take a walk.”

“And what if you’d suddenly not felt well, what then?”

We’re facing off in his office when the door flies open and in come Flyn and Björn. We shut up, and the boy runs to me, hugs me, and looks accusingly at his uncle.

“Why are you always angry with my aunt?”

“What did you say?” Eric asks.

But Flyn’s angry voice is equal to his uncle’s.

“Don’t you see she’s not feeling well? Don’t yell at her.”

Eric looks at him, annoyed.

“Flyn, don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, OK?”

“Then don’t yell at Jude.”

“Flyn...,” Eric says in warning.

The boy looks at me. I know him, and I know he’s going to talk back, so I jump in before he has a chance to say anything else.

“OK, honey, go with Simona and let her know I want to have a snack with you today.”

The boy nods, gives his uncle one of his icy looks, and leaves. Once the three of us are alone, Björn gives me an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

“Well, well, now I see what kind of support Jude has.”

Eric smiles and nods.

“Flyn has decided to overprotect his aunt-mom Jude. And he really believes he has the last word. Moreover, I’m sure that right now he’d rather I leave than her.”

“Don’t doubt it,” I say, teasing, but that just earns me an icy look from my love.

“If you’re going to argue, I’m leaving,” says Björn, laying a folder on Eric’s desk.

“I’m the one who’s leaving,” I say. “I’m hungry, and I want a snack.”

Eric’s surprised. “You’re hungry?”

It’s the first time in a long time I can confirm that.

“God, eat everything and anything you want, sweetheart.”

The double meaning I give to that makes me laugh, but I don’t say anything. I leave the office for the kitchen. Simona’s preparing a sandwich for Flyn.

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