Page 154 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

“I...I’ve never liked ‘buts’...”

“We have to take it easy so we don’t get freaked out again.”

“You’re absolutely right,” I say, “but—”

“Oh, so you have a ‘but’ too!” Eric laughs.

“I just want to play with you!”

He doesn’t answer. But he smiles. And that’s a good sign.

26

I’m a little better the next day, and I decide to go shopping in Munich with Frida, Marta, and my sister. We have a great time. I insist on eating a burger and, when I dip my French fry in ketchup, I laugh.

“I love junk food,” I say. “Medusa loves junk food.”

My sister frowns when she hears me call my baby that name, and Frida notices.

“When Glen was in my belly, I called him Eidechse,” she says.

Marta and I laugh.

“What does it mean?” Raquel asks.

I put another greasy fry in my mouth. “Lizard.”

When we leave the burger place, we consider going for coffee, but then we wind up at the oldest brewery in Munich, the Hofbräuhaus, so my sister can experience it. I drink water.

Raquel is blown away. She looks as dazed as I was the first time I came here and then shows off her great talent for beer drinking. That surprises me. I didn’t know that side of her. I notice Marta and Frida order a fourth round.

“Raquel, if you don’t stop, I’m going to have to drag you home.”

“Since you can’t drink, I’m drinking for both of us,” she says. “You know, you’re now in the most delicious phase of pregnancy: heartburn, swollen ankles, sore tits, and wonderful morning nausea.”

“Oh, you’re funny, beautiful,” I say, teasing.

“And from what you said, your libido is on high. How’s that going?”

I can’t answer. She’s being so mean!

“I can tell you that, during my pregnancy, poor Andrés avoided me,” Frida says. “I was a nightmare when it came to sex.”

What’s happening to me has happened to others, and they didn’t lose their minds!

We all laugh when they bring the next round. Seeing a friend, Marta calls her over. “Tatianaaa!”

A young blonde greets my sister-in-law, who introduces her to us. The girl is charming and chats with us for a while. When she leaves, I can tell my sister has had a bit too much to drink.

“Cuchu...I’m very faint, or I haven’t understood a thing,” she says.

I’m horrified when I realize we’ve been talking in German the whole time.

“Oh, Raquel, honey, I’m so sorry,” I say, and hug her. “We’re just so used to it.”

Finally, it’s the last night of the year.

We still haven’t had sex, but not because Eric doesn’t want to, rather because I’m still feeling like crap, and now I’m the one who can’t even imagine it. When Eric’s mother and sister come over this afternoon, he disappears. He doesn’t tell me where he’s going, and that makes me angry. I’m getting very grumpy.

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