Page 172 of Tell Me What You Want, Or Leave Me

“Good night,” I say.

He doesn’t answer. I wrap myself in the blankets.

But my body is so hot that I take off the covers and sit up.

“I hate what you just did.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” he answers. His voice is hard.

“You jerked off.”

“Didn’t you do the same?”

I want to smash the lamp on his head.

“The difference is that I did it because you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

I turn around and cover myself. I don’t want to talk to him anymore.

29

When I wake up the next morning, I’m alone in bed like always. Eric’s already at work. Down in the kitchen, Simona’s preparing me breakfast.

“We have two episodes ofEmerald Madnesssaved. Do you want to watch them?” she asks.

I nod and, once I’ve finished eating, we both head to the living room.

That day, we watch hopefully as Luis Alfredo Quiñones opens a small box and sees a pendant Esmeralda Mendoza gave him, then experiences a flashback and begins to remember things. Simona and I hold hands. This looks good. That morning, Esmeralda rides out with her son, and Luis Alfredo watches them from afar and has another flashback. His mind floods with memories, and Simona and I applaud when he’s suddenly aware the woman in his life is Esmeralda and not Lupita Santúñez, the nurse.

When the two episodes finish, we’re both worked up.

I propose we go for a walk. She refuses. It’s snowing, and it’s not a good time for a pregnant woman like me to go walking on those roads.

She’s right. I go to my little room, although I can’t sit on the soft carpet like I used to, or they’d have to use a crane to hoist me up. I sit on a chair, open my laptop, and connect to Facebook to chat with my friends, the Warriors. As always, talking to them lifts my spirits, and I end up grinning.

After a while, Simona brings me the phone. It’s Eric.

“What’s up?”

“Hi, dear. How are you today?”

“All right.”

“Are you still upset about last night?”

“Yes.”

“Listen, sweetheart, you have to—”

“No, you listen to me.” I cut him off. I’m very angry. “What you did last night hurt me. Why are you so hard? Didn’t you hear the doctor say we can have a full sex life?”

“Jude...”

“Don’t ‘Jude’ me, please. Why are you such a...?”

I stop myself. It’s not fair to insult him.

“Just say it, sweetheart; you know you want to say it!”

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