Page 23 of More Than a Spark

With a scoff, I hung my head and stomped to the wall, then twisted and rested my back against it. “I’m a shit friend.” I focused on my sneakers. How much could I tell Gabe? I knew from Milo he was a good guy to talk to, reasonable and smart. He’d helped Milo a lot over the years when I wasn’t there.

Wiping his hands on a paper towel, Gabe stepped to me, then tossed the towel in a trash bin. “Why do you say that?”

I stole a peek at him through my long bangs. I needed to talk tosomeoneand calling Tate right now probably wasn’t a great idea. “Gabe, can I trust you to keep a secret?”

“Depends. If it’s something that’s going to hurt Milo, then no.” He placed his hand on the tile wall by my shoulder. “Talk to me. Either way, I don’t think either one of us wants to see Milo hurt.”

“Yeah, you’re right on that account.” I straightened and bumped off the wall, then scrubbed my face as Gabe stepped away from me.

“Is this about Archer?” He tilted his head, eyeing me. “It looked like you two were hanging out all night.”

“Yeah, sort of.” I clenched my jaw. How do I admit this to a guy who’s pretty much a stranger? Though I felt like I knew him with all Milo had told me about him. And hewasgay. “So, I might be queer.” I locked my gaze on his, my pulse thrumming in my ears. There, I’d admitted it out loud.

His brows shot up and his lips quirked. “Really? As in gay queer, bi queer, pan, what are we talking about here?”

“Um…probably bi.” I winced and rubbed my chest. My whole identity flashed before my eyes. Was I really attracted to the women I’d dated, or had I dated them because it was expected? Would my dick still work with women? What would Dad say about this? What about Hazel?Oh, shit.Would I have to come out to my new Cap? My new company? The room spun and I bent over, grabbing the wall, panting with quick breaths. My hands tingled. “Holy fuck. P-panic…attack.”

“Ryder, how can I help?” He placed his hand on my back and came in close. “Can I get you something?”

I cupped my hands over my mouth and nose and fought to breathe in slowly through my nose, out through my mouth, lowering myself to crouch on the floor. I knew the drill. I’d seen enough people do this in front of me. Never thought it would be me. I counted with each breath. Just had to get more carbon dioxide into my brain and less oxygen.

Gabe sat next to me on the floor and wound his arm around my shoulders. “I’m here, whatever you need.”

I nodded as my head cleared and my pulse slowed. “I’m okay.” I leaned against him for a moment, then straightened, resting my forearms across my knees. “Holy shit, that sucks.”

“Yeah, it looked pretty scary.” He slid his arm from one of my shoulders, his hand resting at the base of my neck. “So, do you want to talk?”

I glanced at him, his warm eyes, and knitted brows. “I got drunk and hooked up with a guy, another firefighter, up in Flag.” I swallowed hard. There, now it was out, and I was sure Milo would hear about it. I was a shit for not telling him myself.

“Um…” He offered a lop-sided grin. “You know straight guys do that all the time, right? I mean, they experiment, find out maybe it’s not for them and move on.” He chewed the side of his lower lip for a second. “I’ve been on the receiving end of it a few times.” His gaze dipped, then came back. “Even with Jeremy while he was figuring himself out.”

“Really?” My eyes grew wide. So maybe I wasn’t bi? But what about my new feelings for Milo? “Jeremy and you…”

“I was Jeremy’s first guy. He figured out he was attracted, romantically, to men when he was my bodyguard.” Huffing a laugh, he shook his head. “I think he reacted about the same way you did just now when it hit him.” He looked around us. “In fact, I think it was in the same bathroom.” He chuckled. “Shit, what are they putting in the drinks in this casino? Turns all the guys gay.”

A soft snort freed from my chest. “Maybe that’s it.” My smile waned. “But what do I do about Milo? He’s really into Archer.” I rounded my eyes. Fuck, Gabe would catch that. He was too smart to miss it.

He pressed his lips together. “So, you like Milo more than a friend.”

I nodded. I couldn’t say it out loud.

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “Well, this puts me in an awkward position.” Furrowing his brows, he scanned the restroom, then bit at his thumbnail and peeked at me.

“What?” I shifted on the tile. Why would it be awkward for Gabe? I was the one who was falling for my best friend and a guy at that.

“Okay, I um, know some things, obviously, and I can tell you that Milo is scared of losing your friendship if you two um…were to start something more together.” He hung his head. “Fuck, I shouldn’t be saying this.”

“Saying what? Tell me, please.” I snatched his hand off my shoulder and held it between both of mine.

“I’m going to have to let Milo tell you when he’s ready. All I’m going to say is, there’s hope. If you think you can figure yourself out and give Milo all the love he deserves, then go for it.” He sucked in a deep breath. “But you better hurry or Archer might get there first.”

A knot clenched my gut. “Okay. But is it right to come between them?” Maybe I was already too late.

“Far as I know, this is only a first date for Milo and Archer and if history is any indication of how things will go, Milo’s going to find something wrong with him pretty quick.” With a sharp chuckle, he stood and pulled me up with him.

I snorted a laugh. “Yeah, that’s true. Guess I could wait it out and let it end naturally.” I brushed off the ass of my jeans. It might give me time to come up with a plan of attack. I thought a moment. Milo had a valid fear about ruining our friendship. “But what would happen to our friendship if things don’t work out between us?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Make it work, no matter what happens. You two have too much history to let it go to shit.”

---