Page 65 of Twisted Minds

I can’t let it go, but I’m starting to get irritated. “I do know him,” I correct. “He’s funny, and sweet. Freaky smart. Really fierce. Nerdy. So, so nerdy.” God, I love his spicy attitude. I love the animated way he gets when he’s talking about his games. How sweet he is, and he doesn’t even realize it. I love the way he tries to take care of me, and while I do feel uneasy about being so broke, Mark has never made me feel bad when we go out and I can’t afford to buy him food. Every night he calls me and asks how my day is, and let’s me sleep if I’m tired. He even asks how Jamie is doing, but I’m sure that will do shit all to impress my friend. “I think I love him.”

That snaps Jamie’s attention to me, and he looks like he wants to say something, but he just shakes his head and gets up. I move as he swings his legs over the bed then scrubs his face. “I feel like shit.”

“Like . . . emotionally, physically, mentally . . . ?”

“Yes.”

“You smoked?”

Jamie looks up at me, then rolls onto his side toward me. He’s always been a smoker, but lately it seems like it’s all day every day. “I feel hungover.” Which means he overdid it. I dare a bit, reaching out to touch his back, and Jamie hisses but doesn’t flinch away from me. Gently I rub, sitting in this sort of awkward truce we have going. “Sometimes I want to die,” he says quietly. I snatch my hand away and Jamie looks at me, his eyes still red and hazy in the way they get when he’s smoked, so maybe it’s not from crying. Fuck, it’s probably both if I’m honest with myself.“Then I remember that I’ve already done enough to my mother, and I know I can’t.”

“Please don’t talk like that,” I say softly. “You know we love you. That would destroy us.” Losing Luci was bad enough. I don’t think Lia would survive losing Jamie as well. Fuck, none of us would. “Xavi doesn’t deserve that either.”

Jamie sighs, shaking his head. “He’d be better off without me.”

“None of us would be better off.”

“I’m so tired, Hunter.” Jamie’s lip begins to shake. “I’m so fucking tired. I can’t fucking sleep, though. Every time I close my eyes I see her. She’s staring right at me. Unblinking. The light sucked from her expressionless eyes. I just want to sleep. I just want—”

“Hey.” I look up, seeing Mark in the doorway. “Sorry uh, I was trying to find the bath . . . room.” I pull my hand away from Jamie and throw on a smile, my brain trying to catch up to the change in conversation while letting Jamie’s words sink in. I wish I could take away the pain he feels, but I can’t. None of us can. All we can do is be here, and that right there is exactly why none of us leave. It’s what he wants, but we all refuse to be more people who’ve let him down.

“Right across the hall, babe. To the left,” I say softly.

“Uh, thanks.” Mark looks at us both and I silently will him not to say anything. My telepathy sucks, though. “You guys alright?”

“We’re fine!” Jamie snaps at him. “Now that you know where my room is, stay out of it,” he growls and fuck, sometimes, I swear I want to punch him sometimes. Since violence isn’t the answer here I swallow it.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, babe. I’ll be right out.” Mark swallows hard, nodding and giving me one last look before going to the bathroom.

“You need to try and be nice to him.”

“He doesn’t need to be here; he didn’t even know her.”

“He knows me, Jamie, and I want him here, and I wanted Bri and Xavi to meet him.” He just shakes his head, rolling away, and it’s times like now that make this so hard. “I know it’s soon but . . .” I look back at the door making sure Mark’s not waiting for me. “I think I love him.” No, I know I do.

“Barely know him,” he grumbles, shaking his head. “Whatever. As long as you’re happy.” I ignore the tone that contradicts those words. One day I may get him back, but not today, maybe not even this year or the next, but I have to believe that one day my best friend will find a fraction of the person he used to be.

I leave this conversation for now, getting up and walking to the door. I look back, watching him now facing away from me. “You better be outside in a bit.” I hear footsteps as Mark hesitantly stands outside the door. Jamie doesn’t meet my eyes and it’s my turn to give up, turning away from him and following Mark to the back porch. “Everything okay?”

“I’m alright,” I lie. Nothing is alright. I’m starting to think it never will be again.

twenty-three

Mark

“Iwant to play a game!”

“No, Bri. We’re just hanging out.”

Folding her arms, Brianna pouts her lip. “I need someone who actually enjoys games. All of you are lame!”

We can play duck, duck, shot,” Xavi suggests. Hunter looks at him and it takes Xavi a second to understand why he’s glaring a hole into his fucking face. “Oh. Never mind.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jamie mutters, taking a drink of his water. Hunter told me Jamie can’t drink with the medication he’s on, but that he probably took a gummy before coming out here. He’d also mentioned they used to play duck, duck, shot all the time—it’s just like duck, duck, goose, except the person who doesn’t get back into the empty chair takes a shot—but that Jamie can’t run like that now, though.

And apparently it was Luci’s favorite game.

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