Page 85 of Twisted Minds

Sawyer’s quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure what she’s planning to do with it. Catching Derrick made this a lot easier, though. She should get a check soon.”

“For what it’s worth now, I am really sorry. I literally can’t imagine the fear she must have gone through. I’m sorry for being part of it. I’m just really sorry.”

Sawyer nods, looking at me with widening eyes. I don’t know what he wants me to say, so I ignore him and go back to my phone. “I understand that must have been scary. I see why you did what you did. Catching someone like Derrick isn’t easy, I know.”

“I hate him.”

“Me too.”

“Me three,” I mumble.

Sawyer pats my good leg. “I think someone else needs an apology.”

Mark smiles softly, and it takes a herculean effort to push the memories aside in my mind. “I’m getting there.” He sighs.

“I can leave—”

“No.” I don’t want to be alone with him.

“I understand.” He takes his hair out of the ponytail, shaking it out and throwing it back up in a messier ponytail—and I ignore just how fucking cute that is. “I don’t know how much you know about the situation and why I did what I did, but I want you to know I never meant to hurt anyone. That’s not what I wanted.”

“You decided to fake date and hurt me.”

“Hunter.” Mark sighs. “Look at me and look at you. Why would I think you’d want me? Derrick wanted me to physically hurt you, and I told him I could hurt you emotionally instead. While I didn’t know who you were at the time, I just thought there’s no way this hockey player is going to want me, let alone date me. Then when I realized it was you . . . you couldn’t go backin time right now and convince that version of me that you’d actually want me back.

“Growing up, I was picked on a lot. We moved a ton because of my father’s job. I was always the new kid. I was scrawny thin. I had braces, acne, you name it, I had it. I was constantly picked on. I’ve been shit on by so many people, all my life. I never had friends until I started college.” He rubs the back of his neck. “You light me up every time you’re around. You’re so fucking sweet and amazing it’s unreal. Why would I think you’d love me? If anything, I thought you’d reject me, so I wouldn’t even have to go through with it and I could keep trying to get Derrick to admit he did it. You didn’t, though. Somehow you wanted me back.”

Sawyer reaches for my hand, squeezing it and giving me an anchor to focus on. “When I met Derrick, I thought he was a good friend. Slowly, though, he let his real self bleed through. I didn’t even want to be there that night, but I’d been invited, and I went because my father was trying to give me an ultimatum about school. He was trying to make it so he’d stop paying if I didn’t change my major. It’s dumb, but I just needed a distraction, so I went with them. Noah was at home for the summer, so I thought it was better than driving myself crazy inside my dorm. That night, I sent one of the girls he wanted to hook up with home and he got pissed at me. I’d suspected then that’s why he framed me. I just had to prove it. When no one had been injured I thought I had time, and I didn’t even think about how it would look to you guys. I’m so sorry.” I have to look away as tears begin to spill down my face. “Despite it all, part of me doesn’t regret it, though.”

“What?” I glare.

“The firework, obviously, I wish I hadn’t . . . but then again, if I hadn’t been there, no one would have suspected Derrick. No one would have known. At least not for a while.” Taking a deep breath, he steadies himself. “I regret not letting you know I hadsuspicions, but I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me and that you’d turn me in,” he says to Sawyer. “I regret that, and I regret hurting you,” he says to me. “But I don’t regret being with you. If I hadn’t agreed to this, I wouldn’t have talked to you. I wouldn’t have thought for a second that you might want me. That first night, at the vending machine, I felt something with you. There was something there. I was scared and sick of being hurt again. If he hadn’t threatened me, when I saw you that morning at my door I would have turned you away. I’m so fucking sorry. I will never forget this, or you.” Pressing his hands to his eyes, he shakes his head. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry I lied.” He stands up, looking at Sawyer. “If your mom needs any help cleaning or rebuilding, please let me know. I want to help her, in any way I can.”

“Thanks.” Sawyer blinks before looking at me. I ignore him though. I can’t move or breathe. He gets up, and a tiny part of me starts to panic.

Pausing by the door, Mark turns to me. “I know I hurt you, but I know you’ll find someone so much better. You deserve someone incredible. You’re the best person I know.”

I can’t move, I can’t think. Sawyer must sense this because he stands and leads Mark out of the room. When he shuts the door behind him I can barely control the sob that bubbles out of my chest. “I’m so sorry.” Sawyer sits back on my bed, squeezing the back of my neck.

I don’t know what to do. How to feel. “I hate him.”

He rubs circles across my back. “Love can feel like that sometimes, but can I give you my expert opinion before you tell me to mind my own business?” I laugh, lying back down on the bed. Between the emotional and physical pain I’ve been in all week, I’m exhausted. “I think he’s being genuine.”

“He used me and lied to me.”

“Yeah, but that didn’t seem fake to me. That seemed pretty fucking real.”

“He’s a liar and an asshole.”

Sawyer shakes his head. “It’s hard for me because I get it. I know more than most people how hard it was to get Derrick’s charges to stick from what happened to Jane. For me, I knew it was going to be me verses the rich white kid with a fucking cop for a father. He wouldn’t have been charged if it wasn’t for Mark trying to find proof. The system is fucked. I’m thankful he helped me out. Makes me a little soft toward him.” He laughs.

“So, you’re saying I was collateral damage?”

“No. What I’m saying is life is fucked up. It’s just not fair most of the time. I think we get ourselves into situations that spiral before our eyes, and it can be hard to find a way out. I’m saying, from what I just saw and the situation, I think he thought he was doing what was best. While he may have been forced, that wasn’t fake. That all seems genuine. I think he was stuck and trying to find a way out. Then he blew it all up to save Noah, right?”

“Yeah, he did. Without a thought.”

Sawyer smiles. “I think it was really brave of him to risk something that was special to save his friend. He lied to you because he was trying his best to keep his head above water. We both know what it feels like to drown.”

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