Page 52 of Twisted Minds

“I’m in love with that man . . .”

“You’d hate him. He’s a dick.”

“I don’t know, sounds like that man’s my soulmate.” Noah snorts.

“He’s not your soulmate. Knock it off.”

“So now my question is, why do you seem so sad?”

“What? No, I don’t.”

“You seem off. Come on now. Spill.”

Could I tell him? I’m not sure. Noah and I are on the way to becoming good friends. I just don’t know if I can trust him with all of this. “I’ve never been in a relationship. This is new and I’m scared he won’t really . . . like me.” At least not all of me. This is new now, but what happens when the new wears off.

Derrick aside, I’m not anywhere near good enough for Hunter.

That man is kind, patient, and understanding on a level I’ve never experienced. Yeah, he’s hot as hell, but when I think about the things I like about him, his looks are last.

What do I really have to offer him?

“He ate your ass like an ice-cream cone. I think you’ve passed the test.” Grabbing nail polish from his nightstand, Noah pulls his foot onto the bed to paint his nails baby blue.

“Sex is the easy part.” It’s all the other shit I’m bad at. Hunter is kind, sweet, athletic, and cares so much about the people around him. I’m nothing. I don’t see how this can work long term. It’s all fine now, everything is new, but what happens when Hunter realizes this is it? This is all I am. Some lame nerd who disappoints his family with a dream I probably won’t even see through.

It’s pointless, though, isn’t it?

I refuse to let Derrick hurt anyone else, and once the shit hits the fan over that, Hunter may not even want me. Noah finishes up his other foot then lies back against his bed, staring up at the ceiling. I lie down beside him and for a moment we’re silent.

My eyes begin to pinprick with sharp stabs of pain. “When we were together, did you ever have feelings for me?”

“You wish.” He snorts. I roll to face him, and I feel my eyes burn. Why am I choosing now to have a mental breakdown? Noah lolls his head toward me, frowning. “What’s wrong? Oh my god, you are in love with me.”

“Shut up.” A watery laugh leaves my lips. I wipe my eyes.

Noah drapes his arm over my chest, hugging me. “I care about you. I have never had romantic feelings for you. You weren’t very nice to me, but there were rare moments when you could be incredibly sweet and protective. I liked that, even though it was just a hookup. You still treated me nice. You didn’t make me feel like I was just some object for you to fuck. It’s all the other stuff you suck at. I don’t know why you want to be my friend now—” I open my mouth to defend myself, but he closes it with his finger. “But I’m happy you do. I like hanging out with you.”

“I like hanging out with you too. I don’t have any friends.”

Noah laughs. “Me either.”

“I think I was afraid to have feelings for you. That doesn’t excuse how I acted, though. I’m sorry.”

“How is Hunter different?”

This is the thing that eats me up. I’m not even sure. There was just a draw there since day one. I can’t explain it. I remember the way he looked the first night I saw him—defeated, exhausted, and with a black eye on his handsome face. Even then there was this thing, this light about him. Hunter’s constantly put in difficult situations, but he always comes out of them on top. Then there’s the way he treats his teammates, his best friend, and me. Hunter’s so kind and compassionate. I admire him so much. “It’s like everything makes sense when we’re together.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“He asked me to be his boyfriend.” No matter what happens going forward, I will make it right by us all. Derrick will be going to jail. Sawyer and his family will get closure. Hunter will have a boyfriend worthy of him. “I needed this. Thank you.”

“Enough mushy shit.” He laughs, sitting up. “Tell me how big he is. I want details. In detailed detail.” I bite my lip. Well, I do have some questions, and Noah is just the person to talk to about stuff like this. It’s not like I have anyone else.

Okay, that thinking needs to stop. It’s not that I have no one else. I want no one else. Noah is my friend. “It was so great. It was . . . a lot at first, but it was amazing.” I feel my cheeks flush.

“Oh my god, you used to lick my balls. Don’t be embarrassed now!”

“Ew, can you stop. Not the visual I need.” Noah waits. Fine, whatever. I’ll give in. “It was incredible. We haven’t done it since, it’s hard to find time alone.” After Jamie threatened us, we haven’t had much time together at his house. Between school, hockey, and his roommate, it’s hard. “His roommate is not a fan of me.”

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