Page 98 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

Leland glowers at him. “How? The rest of you are the ones trying to make him evil like you guys are. Aren’t they, Jackson? Tavish, you’re over there encouraging him to say mean things.”

Jackson nods. “Totally.”

“I’m so sad that… I think I need to hold my baby to feel better.” Leland wipes away an imaginary tear before he reaches over and picks up what looks like a gun case, but my eyes are drawn to the little thing dangling from it. “What is that?”

“A prison for my baby,” Leland says.

“No, dangling off it.”

“Oh? My crocheted rainbow bee? Tavish made it for me.”

Tavish scoffs. “I did not. I would never do something as stupid as crocheting.”

I eye the bee before looking back at Tavish. “Is that what it is? I can never tell the difference between crochet and knitting?—”

“I mean… I don’t know either. Do I look like a man who’d crochet stupid little things like that during my free time? Nah. I work out. I do sexy things.”

“You definitely don’t unpack your TV stand.” I hesitate as something dawns on me. “Wait… was that what the basket was in your living room that you hid from me?” I scrutinize him, very excited about this turn of events. “It wasn’t something to murder people with but cute little bees and stuff you’ve crocheted?”

He raises an eyebrow and puffs out his chest. I’m so close to him, I can feel it, and I’m fully aware that it’s some tactic to try topretend he’s not the one who crocheted it. “Does this look like a man who crochets?”

I’m… honestly kind of confused why he thinks you have to look a certain way to do something. “I mean, you can keep repeating that, but I really don’t think there’s a restriction on who can and can’t craft, is there?”

“I asked him to crochet a bikini for Jackson, but he said he’d only do it if he could crochet it onto his naked body,” Leland says.

Tavish looks horrified. “I… did not say that! I want to clarify that I don’twantto do that. I haven’t… no… Leland is making that shit up.”

Leland looks at him in shock. “I am not! Guys, am I making that up? You were all there!”

“Definitely made up,” Tavish says.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear. My ears are still bleeding from that rap,” Cassel tosses out.

Why is Tavish getting flustered over this so cute? I mean… we aren’t even dating, and he’s already concerned I will take offense over something like that? And something that happened well before he even stuffed me in the trunk of his car?

“Wow, Tavish. How’s it feel to be forced to face all the horrible things you’ve done in the past?” Cassel asks with a very dry voice.

“I thought you weren’t listening,” Leland says snidely. “See, Ellis, I went to this fun little craft show and there was Tavish selling all of his cute little crocheted bees and little jellyfish and stuff. He tried to pretend it wasn’t his booth, but all the little old ladies knew him.”

“That’s awesome!” I enthuse. “I love that you made enough stuff that you go to craft shows!”

“Don’t remember any of that.” Tavish looks so flustered over their teasing. “How the fuck could Leland have belted out theworst damn rap in existence, but no one thinks about that, and instead, they focus on me?”

“Maybe…” I start. “Because you’re trying to make yourself into someone who is different than you really are, and everyone in this car likes you for you. You don’t have to be manly or macho or really anything but yourself, and all of us will still like you.”

“Fucking hell, he’s an alien,” Cassel declares, but I notice Tavish watching me closely.

“Ellis… I have a very important question,” Leland says.

“Hmm?”

“Do you… do you like to probe people? It will definitely determine whether or not you are an alien.”

“I mean… I may have been known to,” I say.

That makes Leland laugh. Clearly, he enjoys the ridiculous adult humor. “I tried to roleplay as an alien with Jackson once, and my god, the moment I whipped out my finger, he was like, ‘Can I be Sasquatch again?’”

“There is a whole chunk of that story that you left out,” Jackson says. “Literally the most scarring bits you left out.”

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