Page 10 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“I’ll set the knife pointy end up, so the next time you lie down and ignore me, you’re going to have one less eyeball.”

“But I like my eyes,” I whisper.

“You really don’t need two of them.”

I sigh and use my head to spin the dial, which pleases him greatly.

“Oh nooooo, you fucked up. You got scammed by a little old lady who takes all of your money and gives it to me.”

“I weirdly feel like the card doesn’t say that.”

“I weirdly feel like your shitty little house just caught on fire,” he retorts, adding my house to his pile as well. “The card says that. Do you want me to tack the card to your forehead so you can see it for yourself?”

“I’ve watched a lot of action movies in my life… and I have to say that this is thestrangesttorture technique I’ve ever come across.”

“Yet the good guy wins in the end.”

“Are you a good guy?” I ask, not quite sure.

“Eh, good enough. Better than you, at the very least.”

Oh fucking hell, this is the absolute worst situation I could have ever found myself in.

FOUR

ELLIS

I was wrong… very,verywrong.

The worst situation is being led out of the jet and toward the mansion of the man who is going to kill me. Anxiety is eating away at my stomach as I realize that every second that passes is a second closer to my death. How did I fuck up this badly?

“Please? Please?” I beg.

“Did you ever stop when they begged you?” Tavish asks as he confidently walks ahead of me. There are two burly men who are in charge of dragging me now, leaving him off the hook.

I really feel like I could have appreciated what looks like a beautiful island if I weren’t so busy trying not to hyperventilate.

I’m going to die. I really,reallyam going to die and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. This is one of those things that you just can’t ever fathom happening to you. It’s so out of the realm of possibilities that you assume it won’teverhappen. This kind of shit only happens in the movies.

And while I’m over here breathing like I’ve just climbed a mountain, head flicking this way and that like someone’s going to pop out of the bushes to save me, Tavish is strutting along, hands stuffed in his pockets, a pleasant expression onhis face. “Damn, this place is nice. I’m starting to think that I’m not getting paid enough for this job,” he says as he looks around. Right inside the door of the grandest mansion I’ve ever witnessed, he picks up a vase and flips it this way and that. “Can I have this?”

“No,” the guy on my left says.

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“It’s a really nice vase and would look perfect in my house,” he insists.

The guy stares at him and I can’t help but hope that he keeps pestering the guy until he decides that Tavish is the evil dick here and lets me free.

Clearly, luck is never on my side as Tavish grudgingly puts the vase down and keeps walking.

“I just want to let both of you know that this man is delusional and that he’s abducted the wrong guy,” I throw out there.

Neither gives any shits as I’m dragged along even farther down a long hallway and through a door. Inside, an older man flanked by two guards is staring out the window at what looks like a giant flower garden with a large pond. The moment he sees us, he quickly turns and looks relieved.

“You did it,” the man says.

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