Page 81 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“I’m sorry. That has to be so frustrating. Why would he do that?” he asks.

Fucking hell, this guy is cute.

“Because he’s an asshole, that’s why. Simple as that,” I inform him. As I gather up everything I need, I tote it out toward the car when both my phone and Ellis’s beep. I dump all my shit in the back seat and pull my phone out.

Leland: I have an ultra-secret object that I NEED you two to pick up. You’re the only ones who can pick it up. I have placed all of my faith and bubbling love into this task.

Me: Take your bubbling bullshit and ask someone else.

But the moment my text goes through, another text pops up from the very man inches from me.

Ellis: Of course! Anything you need, we’ll pick up! Thank you again so much for helping us today. I would love to help you in any way I can.

Ellis must read my text because he looks up at me. “Oh… was I supposed to say no?”

Leland: ELLIS. You are like a cute little angel shat down from heaven to bless my very day.

Henry: Why the fuck am I involved in this group text now! And Ellis, if Leland is using flowery or weird language, you should know better than to agree.

Leland: He already agreed. No takebacks.

Ellis: He’s really doing so much to help me, I honestly don’t mind helping him.

Henry: Delete my number, Leland. And stop tainting innocent men.

Leland: Ellis, get yourself a Daddy like I’ve gotten myself a Daddy.

Henry: Christ.

Me: Leland, stop using his kindness to manipulate him.

Leland: GASP. I would never! Ellis, I’ll ping you the location since the rest of these men are butthurt that you’re quickly becoming my favorite.

Ellis: I’m sure they’re just teasing you. You seem very nice.

Henry: Christ.

Cassel: Is anyone else suspicious about how nice this Ellis guy is?

Cassel: Whoops. That wasn’t supposed to be in the chat with him in it.

Cassel: Ellis, don’t be mad. You are suspicious, though. But that’s just because we’re horrible people and not accustomed to kindness. It creeps us out.

Ellis: I’m creeping you out?

Me: If you want to be creeped out, go into Leland’s basement.

Cassel: Tavish, not to sound creepy myself like I’m stalking you or anything because I’m totally not. I just set up a camera to watch your house in case anyone came to look for you, and it’s programmed to flag me if anyone comes snooping around the house. But knowing that people want to murder you and still standing in front of your house just so you can text Leland for five minutes about nonsense is likely not the smartest of moves.

Me: Leland did this on purpose. He wants me to get murdered.

Leland: Oh nooooooooooo. I would nnnnnnnnneverrrrrrrrrr.

I sigh and usher Ellis back to the car.

TWENTY-ONE

TAVISH

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