Page 78 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“Incompetent? Useless? Irritating?”

“I don’t know that any of the ways I’d describe him would be that mean. Maybe easily distracted?”

“He is, but you don’t want to be at the other end of that man’s barrel. The name he went by as a hitman was one you knew to fear. If someone told you that the Sandman had your name, you’d expect to be dead within a day.”

“You’re joking, right?” Ellis asks.

“I’m not. But he’s not a hitman anymore. He’s more of a… runs headfirst into bullshit kind of man now. Jackson’s really tamed him. I guess Jackson gave him the ultimatum that if he was going to live with him, Leland couldn’t take any more jobs. Eventually, he caved a bit, so that’s why he still gets involved in things like this.”

“Interesting,” Ellis says. “What about Jackson?”

“Jackson’s just a standard PI. After serving in the military, he became a PI before getting wrapped up in Leland’s nonsense.”

“And Cassel?”

“Cassel was also a hitman. He was raised by the same guy Leland was but at different times, so they didn’t meet each other until they were adults and Cassel was sent by the guy to harass Leland… or maybe kill him? I really don’t know that much.”

“Is it okay that you’re telling me all of this?”

“Sure. Not my life.”

Ellis smiles again and there’s something about it that just captures my attention. “What about you?” he asks as I pull the car over about a block from my house.

“Eh. Nothing much about me. Pretty boring, really.”

“Boring is like… my life before I met all of you. I cannot fathom any of you being boring. Tell me something interesting about you. I’m boring. You’re not.”

“Aye, that’s because you dinna get out enough,” I say.

“Just tossing out the thicker side of your accent on random words isn’t getting you out of this question. Why do you think this is a tactic that works?”

“The bonnie lasses love it. And so do the lads.”

“No. Put it away. Tell me something about yourself. Why do you switch to trying to distract me?”

“I dinna ken.”

“Now I don’t even know what you’re saying! You’re trying to distract me!”

“Aye, you silly lad. Maybe you need to expand your English?”

“Yeah? Alright, teach me a Scottish word, then.”

“Shite.”

“That’s not even… is that even Scottish?” Ellis snorts before raising an eyebrow at me. “How about an insult to use the next time we’re fucked with… Wait… Bravo.”

“What?”

“You’re doing a fantastic job trying to distract me. No! I want to know about you.”

“There’s nothing to know. I’m boring.”

“No, being boring is like… eating a Pop-Tart for supper because you want to play video games with your internet friends that you’ve never met, and you don’t have time for real human food.”

“See? You could’ve been friends with assassins all along. No one knows who’s on the other side of the monitor.”

“Uhh… I would like to believe that I’ve hit my quota on how many assassins I can meet in my life. Just… I mean. Right? Please? Also, where are we going? I feel like I need to be physically and mentally prepared. Am I going to have to fight for my life?”

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