Page 52 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“Strings to what? Why is being normal so weird to all of you?” I ask.

“It’s not, don’t mind them,” Jackson says, apparently the only normal person here.

I try my hardest to never judge anyone… but once they stare at you bound and gagged in a trunk and talk about how fun it would be to chase you through some land they bought just to do said activity, I feel like I’m free to judge.

The car pulls up to a nice two-story house in the suburbs. It’s… weirdly normal other than the single panel of fence just… sitting there to the side. It looks like someone decided they were going to slap a fence down between their property and the neighbor’s before saying, “Fuck it, this is too much work” and throwing in the towel. But like… why not remove it? It looks ridiculous with just one panel sitting off to the side. It’s not evenas though they’ve tried spicing it up with a bush or something, and the grass around it tells me it’s not a new addition.

“I see you’re a man of good taste,” Leland says.

That confuses me. “I am?”

“Eyes instantly drawn to… The Fence.”

I don’t know what that means, but the way he says it makes me wary. “I want to go in the other car,” I say. “I’ve changed my mind.”

Leland hops out and Jackson looks back at me. “Just run for the house. Don’t make eye contact with him, don’t acknowledge him, just run for the house.”

“What happens if I make eye contact?” I ask.

“You don’t want to know,” Cassel says.

“It’s pretty bad,” Tavish agrees, and if even he thinks it’s bad, then it’s bad.

“What if I don’t even want to get out?”

“Just walk fast and if you have to, punch him in the balls,” Tavish says as he gives me a nudge to get out.

I slide out, hugging the vase to me like it’ll ward me from all evil.

Don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact.

“Ellis?” Leland calls, as I try my absolute hardest not to look up. “Elllllllissssssss. Come here.” Now he sounds like a creepy snake monster.

“I don’t want to,” I whisper, even though I know it’s quite rude. Especially when he’s helping me. I really shouldn’t be so mean.

“Ellis, I’m not the one who abducted you and took you off to Murder Island. I am the one who wants to help you. I’m going out of my way to help you out of the pure kindness of my heart. I just… all I’ve ever wanted to do is help you.”

“Don’t listen to the weasel,” Tavish says. “Don’t do it.”

How could I not? Now I feel horribly guilty! He’s done so much for me, and I’ve refused to look at his fence? What is wrong with me?

“I’m risking my very life for you, Ellis. I’m just… all I want to do is love my sweet Jackson and my new son. Did I tell you I’m a papa now, Ellis? But I’m risking my life for you, so please, just come here.”

Fuuuuck.

“I’m coming. I’m sorry you’re doing so much for me. Thank you for helping me,” I say as I glance up and his eyes latch on to mine. He can’t keep his grin at bay as I walk over to him and that weird panel of the fence. “I really am sorry. I’m just tired.”

“I would like to introduce you to The Fence,” Leland announces.

“It’s… uh…” I eye the wood. “Unique. I, uh… really like it. Very… pretty?”

“Imagine this… dark night, PI scuttling?—”

“I wasn’t scuttling,” Jackson says.

Leland waves him off. “Dark night, PI scurrying. Hitman watching closely… what’s this? The PI has chosen to climboverthe grand and mightyFence.”

“He was climbing over the fence in his own yard?” I ask. “I’m sorry. I’m really tired and this story is kind of hard to follow.”

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