Page 21 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“You didn’t even check any of the windows, let alone look to see if there was a key.” Jackon sighs as he slides the key in and unlocks the door. “You’re buying him a new window.”

“Jackson, come on, don’t make me feel sick. It’s not my fault his window is as weak as his sex appeal,” I say as he swings open the door. “I bet there’s a serial killer waiting for us in there.”

“There’s no freaking serial killer,” he mutters as we step inside.

“There better not be,” the man standing inside says. “Oh wait… are you talking about me?”

EIGHT

ELLIS

Thankfully, I’m already holding the gun or there’s no damn way I’d have thought it through quickly enough to have it pointed at the face of the guy I’d nearly run into.

Startled, he jerks back before realizing that the only thing he’s holding is a phone, making me wonder if this is the toe licker himself. He looks about twenty, and now that I’ve met him and know how young he is, I’m even more invested in this story.

“I… I’m gonna… shoot you… so much,” I say, which doesn’t sound the least bit menacing, but somehow, it makes the guy lift his hands a little.

“Hey, man, I’m just like… I just like started this new thing with this lady, and I really like her, and I’d rather not die, you know?”

“If you don’t want to die, then you better take me to your medical supplies.”

He shrugs, clearly finding it an okay deal. “Oh, sure. I can do that.”

“And if you lead me somewhere else,” I warn as I flip the safety off—maybe I’ve never shot a gun, but I’m smart enoughto know that guns having a safety is a thing, “I’m going to shoot you.”

I really hope I sound like a badass because at this moment my heart is racing out of my chest, my hand is shaking a wee bit, and my eyes feel a little misty. I’m not cut out for bad guy shit. I’m not cut out for anything of the sort! The people in the movies make it look too easy!

“Yeah, man. We have like an infirmary and everything. There’s even a guy who both shoots people and stitches up people. Maybe you could hold him at gunpoint instead of me. I bet that’d be really fun. I’m pretty useless, you know? I mostly like… get snacks and stuff. I’m really good at that. You want some snacks?”

“I don’t want the doctor; I just want the medical equipment.”

“Yeah, man. You can have as much as you want. Just don’t shoot me.”

“Don’t give me a reason to.”

“Yeah, man.”

“And keep your hands up.”

“My hands are super up, man.”

“Stop calling me ‘man.’” I quickly snatch up his gun and pat him down, looking for any other weapons.

“Uh… yeah, guy. Is that better?”

I decide to ignore it and usher him on his way as I question whether he’s leading me off to my death or not. I mean… is this Tavish guy really even worth this? I could make this guy lead me to the front door instead, but… even if I kind of hate this Tavish dick, I feel weirdly alone now that he’s gone. Like he has to know how to use a gun and stuff, right? He might get me out of this alive, right?

Right???

Fuck.

I quickly hurry after him as he keeps his hands in the air.

“I’m having some lady troubles. You married?” The question comes out of left field, throwing me a bit and making me wonder how he can be so casual during all of this.

“No,” I say.

“But you’re much older, right?”

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