Page 132 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“He like… willingly went along with it or something,” I tell them. “I just don’t understand why he’d go alone.”

“Because he wants to keep you out of it,” Leland responds.

“I… think we’ve all been guilty of doing that,” Jackson says. “Sometimes it’s easier to put yourself at risk instead of dragging along the ones you care about.”

“Wish my dad learned that,” I mutter as I settle into the back seat of the abductor wagon with Everly and Micah in front of me. “Hi, I’m Ellis.”

Everly looks back at me with kind of a cold expression that I’m not quite sure how to take. “Everly.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s just along for the ride on the chance he might get to off Leland,” Micah explains. “Sometimes I think I am too. We were strategizing about the quickest and easiest ways when we saw Leland singing.”

“Uhhhh…”

“Would you like to join?” Everly asks.

I hesitate. “No? I… uh… tend to like… Leland?”

“Ellis is sickeningly sweet. Likedisgustinglysweet,” Leland informs them.

What? “I was complimenting you!”

Everly stares at Leland then looks back at me. “Leland says that about you and you still like him?” He looks quite confused.

“I don’t know. I’m really kind of terrified and uncertain, and Leland’s confidence makes me feel like I could accomplish anything,” I explain.

“I just have a wonderful effect on people. Ellis, I got you a new taser. Or three.” Leland passes back a handful of tasers which I hold in confusion.

“This one is a hand one,” Cassel says, which… I could at least tell, but maybe that’s why he thought I looked confused. “Since you can use it multiple times, you can try it out on Leland. And then the other two just aim and point. You can also try them out on Leland.”

“I don’t have room for all of these,” I protest.

“I tried packing you a gun but then I was scared you’d shoot your foot off like you shot Tavish’s foot. So then I just decided that I would have to teach you how to shoot,” Leland says.

“I’d prefer not to,” I say. “I’m confident that you should only aim a gun at something you’re willing to kill.”

“Right,” Leland agrees. “But we can teach you less lethal shots.”

“‘Less’?”

“Yeah. I mean… semi-less lethal. It’s fine.”

“I’ll stick with these.”

“And are you clenching your ass cheeks and pulling forth the ancient fighting spirit? Because if you are, I got you this neat little whomping stick. It looks like an itty-bitty thing and thenpow.” Leland flicks it and it extends. “I tried it on Jackson’s ass, so it should be good to go.”

I gingerly take it. “What? In case I want to spank some people? That’s why you tried it on his ass? And where the hell am I putting all of this stuff?”

“I also got you some pepper spray. Make sure you’re not in a position for that to be blown into your face.”

“None of these look like things I will have success with, but I’ll try them.”

“And a mini flamethrower,” he says as he tries to pass that back as well.

“What the fuck would I do with a miniflamethrower?” I hiss.

“And then we’ll get some good padding on you,” Leland says, fully ignoring that question as he grabs a bag and comes into the back.

“So… Everly…” Micah starts. Everly slowly looks over at him and Micah doesn’t seem to know what to say now. “I, uhhhh, heard you’re in charge of Lucas?”

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