Page 36 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“Well, it’s obviously not a sex thing,” I cry as he starts forcing the straps on me. When the ones between my legs are tightenough that I feel like he’s trying to squeeze my body through it, he hooks something behind me. “Tavish. No, I’d rather take my chances on the murder plane. Tavish! Please!”

He grabs me around the waist, and while I hug this goddamn vase like it’s going to save my life, he hauls me over to the door.

“I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.”

“You might if you stay here,” he says as he releases the door. “The plane is descending. I waited until it’d be a safe…ish distance to jump.”

“I don’t think any part of this is safe!”

“But you think arriving at that asshole’s private runway will be?” he asks.

The door to the front of the plane slides open and Miller steps out before he takes a look around. I don’t even have time to see what face he makes before Tavish grabs me and flings himself out of the plane. Since I’m attached to him, I have no fucking choice in the matter as I squeeze that damn vase as tight as I can, like it might save me as the wind whips around me and the airplane continues on without us.

“I’m going to die, I’m going to die,” I cry.

“You’re not going to die… probably. I mean, you might, but you’re probably fine,” Tavish shouts over the sound of the wind, which isn’t helpful in the fucking slightest!

Tavish seems to know what he’s doing by pushing us into a position to slow the descent, but all I know is that by doing so, he’s making me face the ground that I’m going to be fucking splatted on in the near future. My stomach feels like it’s crawling up into my throat.

“This is really fun, isn’t it? The only thing that would’ve made it more fun is if they’d jumped after us and I’d shot them. That could have been fun,” the delusional man declares. “It’d also be fun if I didn’t have a nosebleed from someone bashing me in the facewith a gun.”

“I think I’m going to pass out,” I announce, feeling lightheaded. Clearly, my problems are much graver than his.

“You’re not breathing right! Breathe! Use those lungs for something other than crying. I got ya.”

“You act like I should be comforted by that!”

“I sure as fuck would be. Do you not hear the rumble of my sexy accent? Feel my muscular arms?”

“I feel like you should really pull the parachute now.”

“If I pull it too soon, we’ll just be left floating down too long.”

“No, every fucking action movie I’ve ever seen has led me to believe the first parachute is going to be fucked up somehow. The bullet that ricocheted off that extinguisher punctured it.”

“Oh shit?—”

I crank my head back to look at him in horror but all I see—besides the blood from his nosebleed splattered everywhere because of the wind—is a grin on his face.

“I’m teasing. It’s fine, it’s fine. Just relax. Just enjoy it. I mean… it’s literally just you and the air right now. No plane, no ground. Just look at how beautiful it is beneath us.”

I force myself to look down at the patchwork of fields. “It is… kind of neat. I wonder which one my body will be scraped off of.”

“I got you. I won’t let you die. And you won’t even know if it’s a lie because you’ll be dead if I do fuck up,” he calls with a laugh. Like now is the time for laughing.

“Why do you say shit like that after barely convincing me that you’re not a bad guy?” I ask.

Tavish just laughs harder. “You ready?”

“Maybe.”

He deploys the parachute, which immediately catches and snags the air, slowing us down. It’s enough a lesser man would have dropped the vase, but sure as fuck not me who is holding on to it with all of the adrenaline my body has acquired during this stunt. I glance up, paranoid, but the parachute weirdly looksperfectly fine as he directs it, like he actually knows what he’s doing. But now the ground is getting closer and closer and I’m more terrified than ever that we’re going to be coming in too fast or something ridiculous is going to happen.

“It’s nice and easy. You ready?” he asks.

“Maybe?” I say as he touches down. I don’t help a whole lot. Actually, I just end up getting in the way of his feet, causing him to stumble over me before we both go crashing to the ground.

“I’m alive,” I whisper. “I’m alive. I’m actually alive.”

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