Page 146 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“How could you fuck up?”

“You’re going to wake up and be like ‘Oh right, this guy is fucking strange.’”

“I mean… I knew you were strange from the moment I met you, and I’m still here, right?” I tease.

The door opens and Mom stares at me. “How long were you going to stand on the porch?”

“Probably a very long time.”

She keeps staring at me, and I feel like I’m under a spotlight. “What happened to your face?”

“You should have seen it a few days ago!” Tavish says, which doesn’t help in the slightest.

Mom glances over at him. “You must be… the guy.”

“I’m definitely a guy,” he agrees.

“Mom, this is Tavish.”

She looks him up and down. “I see.”

“I know you said we couldn’t stay long, but I just wanted to see you quickly before you had to head to work.”

She’s still eyeing me, and I can tell she’s trying really hard to pretend to be mad at me. Or… maybe she really is mad at me, but my mom’s never been able to stay mad for long.

“Quickly?” she says. “You’ve stood on the porch for five minutes. And you showed up looking like you were on the wrong end of a fight.”

“I was on the wrong end of a lot of fights. I really can’t fight.”

Mom raises an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“He tased a man, though,” Tavish says.

“Wasthatsupposed to make me feel better? What the hell were you doing tasing a man?”

“Definitely shouldn’t mention the finger,” Tavish mutters.

I glower at him, which makes Mom’s look get worse. “Mom, I just wanted to see you and prove to you that I have all of my limbs and fingers and toes. And I met a hot guy and we’re dating, and I promise I’m okay.”

She scrutinizes me for a long while. “You’re going to worry me to death.”

I hold my arms out and she grabs me, pulling me into her and squeezing me nearly to death. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

Mom’s quiet for a moment. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Hmm… sure. We’ll both pretend that,” I say. “But you’re definitely not threatening me with a grounding again. I know some shit.”

She squeezes me tighter, proving to me that death is on the horizon. “You don’t ever worry me again, you hear me? No one, and I mean no one, is going to threaten my kids and get away with it. And you’re definitely not going to threaten me. I saw Sienna beat you up so many times.”

“I promise I’m super safe now. I’ve made some really sketchy friends.”

She kisses my cheek before kissing my forehead and then my cheek again before letting me go and examining Tavish. “What do you do for a living? You said you’re a PI?”

“Yeaaaaaah.” That did not sound convincing at all.

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