Page 25 of Refraction

“I totally could be.”Right.Stop jabbering like an idiot and hide your crazy a little, please, Williams?“And I need a big drink of water. That’s thirsty work.”

Calvin pulled their coat tags out of his pocket and traded them in for coats. Tucker was pleased to see they were the same ones they’d turned over earlier. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

He followed Calvin out into the cold. Cold was actually putting it mildly. It was fucking bitter out.

“Jesus, the wind.” Calvin turned his collar up.

“Yessir. This is wicked.” A little wonderful, though. Sharp enough to steal his breath and freeze his nose hairs.

There were a couple of cabs waiting outside, and Calvin went right to the first one and opened the door. “What are you hungry for? There’s a steakhouse right by your hotel.”

“Are you going to be able to eat?” Because if not, he could wait and order up an early breakfast later. He didn’t want Calvin to have to sit and watch him eat.

Calvin shook his head no. “I’ve got a shoot on Monday, so….” He shrugged one shoulder and gave Tucker an apologetic look.

“Do you want to come up to my room instead, then?”

Calvin looked at the driver. “The Refinery, please.” He smiled at Tucker. “You could order room service.”

“I could.” He was easy, and he could listen to Calvin talk for hours.

Calvin shifted on the seat so they were looking at each other. “If you’re looking forward to sharing a nice meal with me, Tucker, you need to know it’s never gonna happen. I’ll go out. I like to go out, and I do it all the time. You’re going to have to eat around me sometime. But I get it if that doesn’t work for you. You wouldn’t be the first guy that I… that couldn’t handle it. Just do us both a favor and don’t torture yourself thinking you’re going to be that special guy who finally gets me to eat. You won’t be.”

“I don’t give a shit if you eat or not, honey. It’s your body.” It was a matter of manners. You didn’t drink in front of someone in AA; you didn’t eat in front of someone on a diet. He might eat the whole house. He might not eat anything but rice for a month because that was what he had in the kitchen and he couldn’t bear the idea of leaving home. Food was fuel for painting. God, he hoped Marge had supplies for him soon.

It had been days.

“Good. Okay. Thank you.” Calvin nodded like that settled things, then nestled in against him. “I have so much to say about tonight I’m having a hard time saying any of it. My head is just….” Calvin made a little explosive gesture with his fingers. “You know? So much.”

Did he know? He didn’t know how to not live like that. “No worries, honey.”

Maybe it was contagious, the pressure of the thoughts in his head. God, that was an awful thought, for him to be catching, infectious, spreading like a thought disease.

Calvin sat up again, suddenly full of energy like something had bitten him. “I mean, yourpaintings, and that wine, and the hot guy you snapped at, and your jacket on my shoulders, and the nightclub—your eyes and I felt so—oh my God, the dancing. Thedancing, Tucker! And I know you lost me for a second there, but I had my eye on your hat, I promise, and… oh, your hat. I love you in that hat. I love you kissing me in that hat.” Calvin sighed, smiling.

He smiled right back, reaching out to caress Calvin’s belly, just a touch in the darkness. “I hear you.”

He did, and he understood, down to the bone.

Gentle fingers covered his, adding pressure. “I knew you would.” Calvin tilted his face up, nipped at Tucker’s chin.

“Refinery.” The cabbie broke in.

“Is that us, honey?” He’d been so many places in the last twenty-four hours that he had no idea where he was anymore.

“Of course. You don’t know the name of your own hotel.” Calvin pulled a card from his pocket and gave it to him with a wink. “Marge slipped it to me. Room 406. I’m starting to understand a little better, tiger. Come on.” A valet opened the door, and Calvin slid out of the cab.

He paid the taxi driver with a smile, then grinned at the guy holding the door. “Samuel! How’s your little girl? She feeling better?”

Samuel grinned at him, teeth so bright in his dark face. “She is, thank you.”

“Good deal. Thanks for the tip about the bagel. I’ve had two already.”

“My pleasure, sir. Can’t beat a New York bagel. How did your show go?”

“It was lovely, and he is brilliant.” Calvin took his arm.

“That’s a beautiful thing. You get on inside now, cowboy, before you freeze your longhorns off.”

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