Page 82 of Refraction

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Tucker feltlike he’d been scrubbed on the inside, like something had happened to his heart that he didn’t have the words to understand, and he itched for a pencil, just something to help him understand, something to make it right, but….

But on the other hand he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to process it.

He didn’t want to paint it and change it and make it anything.

Ice skating, he told himself.This is ice skating. You can’t paint it away and make it less real.

He found a pair of ancient gym shorts and tugged them on, then wrapped one arm around Calvin’s waist and led him to the window. “You see that big live oak? There’s a tree house there that my pappy and daddy made me when I was little. I used to sleep up there all summer long.”

Calvin stepped even closer to the window to look and gave him the smile of a six-year-old. “Is it still stable? We’re totally doing that one night.”

“It is. I went up to watch lightning bugs the other day.” They didn’t photograph worth a shit.

“Done, then. Soon.” Calvin ducked back under his arm.

“Soon. Come on, we’ll see the rest.” The house was big—a little over seven thousand square feet, all told, and it was a little crazy, the way it had become itself. He always pretended Granny’s house was like the Winchester Mystery House, but with Texan sensibility.

“So, wait. The original part of the house was where? Back by the kitchen?”

He liked that Calvin seemed much more interested in trying to piece together the history of the place. The details of how all the different rooms were added on seemed way less important than why.

“Yeah. The original house is where the front door and the kitchen are. It was just tiny.”

“Have you added on anything?”

“The pool and hot tub.” Those were the important things. He’d wanted those bad. “The deck. I modified the barn. I added the maze and the walls and the media room.”

“The deck is fantastic. What a view.” Calvin slipped away from him, getting ahead of him. “What’s in this room?”

“Lots of them are empty or like Granny left them. Some are storage. You’re welcome to explore. There’s some neat old shit in some of them.”

“I will explore. Lots of time for that. Let’s go see what you did to the barn.” Calvin’s arm circled his waist. “I know you’re worried. You should go first if you need to… and I can come in a bit? I don’t want you to think I’m just being nosy. I’m not trying to trap you.”

“It’s not getting any cleaner. It’s….” How could you describe a building that could be his own personal hell or his salvation? A place he hated and needed and loved and despised? How did you make that make sense to someone else when you were pretty sure it didn’t make sense at all? “It’s a studio. There’s lots of mess.”

“Okay, tiger.” Calvin’s fingers threaded into his.

He nodded and led Calvin outside, then stopped to slide on his flip-flops. “I had to put in a commercial AC and heat pump. The space is huge.”

The barn had housed Pappy’s horses, once upon a time, but now it was… something transformed. Birds and darkness and huge spotlights, tools and wood and canvas and paint sunk deep in the packed dirt.

“Whoa. Sun feels great on my back, but it’s pretty damn hot out now.” Calvin sauntered along beside him, babbling. Sounding scattered. Tucker knew what that meant. “I brought sunscreen. I’d better use it when we’re out for more than five minutes or I’ll fry.”

“Yeah. You should have seen me a few weeks ago. I was blistered. I fell asleep by the pool and woke up in a whole world of hurt.” He’d welcomed it at the time, but he wasn’t going to tell Calvin that. Well, okay. The burned nutsac? He hadn’t welcomed that. That had sucked in the worst way.

“Shit, and you’re tan. I’m probably blinding in the sunshine. It’s nice in a weird way, though. Being reminded to have respect for the sun.”

“I think you’re lovely. I’m coarse next to you.” It was actually hot as hell, and he loved that Calvin got that too.

“Yeah well, remember that in a couple of weeks when I haven’t gotten my mani-pedi, my eyebrows, and my manscaping done.” Calvin laughed. “I’m totally tanning while I’m here.”

“They have all that here, I have no doubt. I’ll run you into town.” Tucker patted Calvin’s ass and pushed the barn doors open, the place feeling like an icebox after the outside.

“Goose bumps!” He watched Calvin shiver at the cold and take maybe ten steps inside, then closed the doors behind them. Calvin was silent, just taking everything in.

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