Page 58 of Refraction

“Oh, yeah.”Duh. “See what you do to me? I can’t think straight.” It was good to be wrong sometimes, though, wouldn’t want Tucker to think he was too predictable. “Anyway, that feels like it was so long ago. No wonder I forgot.”

Eons. Ages. They’d packed so much connection into a handful of weeks it was like they’d nevernotknown each other.

“You have a great average, honey. Your turn.” Tucker was touching him again, stroking him in long, slow motions.

“My guilty pleasure is Rodgers and Hammerstein, I love oysters, and I’ve lived in New York for nine years and have never had a bagel.”

“I’m going with guilty pleasure because oysters are slimy and bagels here are, quite possibly, the best things I’ve ever eaten.”

“Ding ding! I don’t even know anything by Rodgers and Hammerstein, do I?” Imagine living in New York and not having a bagel. Oh, those poor gluten-free people. What a tragedy.

“Fuck if I know, honey. I’m more of a Nine Inch Nails guy myself.”

“Oh! Good. Me too. Mmm.” He snuggled into Tucker. “You could touch me like that all day long.”

“You’ve got a deal. So are you excited about your… is it an audition? Is that the right word?” Tucker’s hands never stopped moving.

“Yes?” And a hundred other things too. Nervous, worried, stressed, intimidated, clueless. “And all kinds of not nearly good enough for this.” Also like he had them fooled and they would figure that out as soon as they met him. Though just at the moment a lot of that was pretty back-burner, because mostly he felt fabulous. But he knew it was there, and he knew it would get worse.

“Bah. You’re…. You’re beautiful. I mean, honey, you’re the finest man I’ve ever known.”

“Thank you.” He leaned up and kissed Tucker’s nose. “But pretty isn’t nearly enough. Everyone there will be pretty.” It was about attitude and working the camera, and giving them whatever they wanted. Whatever that was. And worse? It was about looking right with whomever he had to shootwith. He either had what they wanted or he didn’t.

Michael would tell him in the morning. He needed to talk to Michael.

Tucker grinned at him, the expression warm and knowing. “I understand a little. It’s like the art. You put yourself out and hope it’s what someone wants, and that’s all you can do.”

He found himself nodding slowly for a bit before answering. “Yeah. That’s exactly it. I mean, I can tailor my audition to what they want, assuming I understand what that is, but in the end it’s just their gut feeling.”

He made the cut. He was going to see them in person. He hadsomethingthey wanted, right?

“I want to have something deep and wonderful to say, but I just know you’re special.”

“That’s something wonderful. Thank you.” He propped his head up on an elbow and smiled at Tucker. They just didn’t make a man any sweeter. “So. How’s Marge?”

“Good. She’s thinking about going to Hawaii for a few weeks and soaking up the sun.”

“Oh, nice. I’ve never been, but I hear it’s beautiful. And warm.” Normally he was looking for a winter getaway about now too, but he’d been plenty warm with Tucker around. “Where do you like to vacation?”

“I go to Corpus. I like to walk by the ocean, and it’s not a terrible drive.”

“Who do you go with?” Friends, he hoped. Good friends. Like the best friend who was a tattooing bass player… um. Stan? Stu. It was Stu.

“I guess by myself. I mean, I just go, rent a place and take a few days, a week, watch the ocean.”

That sounded like heaven, actually. “And you don’t paint?”

“Nope.” Tucker grinned suddenly. “Well, I sketch. You know I always sketch, but I mostly watch and breathe.”

“The ocean is good for that, right? Waves coming in and waves going out endlessly. Relaxing in the warm sand. At least it’s a real vacation. But you should try inviting people next time. It’s more fun.”

“Well, next time, maybe you’ll come. There’s got to be a beach on this wide earth where I can hold your hand and walk on the sand without having to kick a bunch of ass.”

“Only like twenty I can think of off the top of my head.” He searched Tucker’s eyes, taking in their soothing blue. Tucker was inviting him places. Texas, the beach… people only did that when they were serious about someone. But he was still expecting to hear Tucker say “I’m going back to Texas” soon. He should ask. He was going to have to ask soon.

But he didn’t have to ask right now.

God knew, he didn’t want to know.

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