Page 48 of Refraction

“They tell me. They leave me alone.” He would pour himself out on the canvases, and the ones that were real would show themselves, demand more of his soul than the others. Then, once they were satisfied, they disappeared so others could come.

“They….” Calvin turned to look at him, then moved back to the bed, perched on the edge beside him, and caught his eye. “Tucker.” Calvin reached out, lifted a lock of his hair and tucked it gently behind his ear.

“Mmm.” He leaned in, loving how Calvin’s skin warmed when they touched.

“Who is ‘they,’ baby?”

Oh, Tuck. Honey. Be careful here. Remember, hide your crazy.The voice was soft but sure, the warning flashing a warm pink behind his eyes. “I just mean the ideas. The dreams. The concepts, you know?”

Not everyone saw demons. He knew that. Most people didn’t, and sometimes the question wasn’t if someone was crazy; it was how well a guy could laugh it off.

Calvin nodded at him silently, then leaned down and kissed him. “So how many are in theHopeseries?”

“It’s not a series. There’s just the one.” It was special. It made him feel like, no matter what, there was a light for him.

“Mm-hmm. I figured.” Calvin climbed across him and slipped back under the comforter. “Chilly out there.”

“It is. It gets warm under the lights.” He drew Calvin close. “The birds are going to be big, I think. They have a story to tell.”

“Do you know what it is yet?” Calvin fit right against him like he belonged there. “Mmm. This is nice.”

“I don’t. I know there are men that are changing and birds that are changing and some of both that are caught in the middle, but that’s all”—they’ve said—“I know.”

“Do you know why? I mean why they’re changing? Either way?”

“I don’t think they have a choice. No one wants the darkness to come for them, right? You’re supposed to crave the light.” He wasn’t sure about that, though. There was something about the shadows and the corners, about looking around to see the things you weren’t supposed to see that fascinated his eyes.

“Supposed to, I guess. I don’t all the time. There’s something comforting about the dark. Lots of good things happen in those places where you don’t need your eyes.” Calvin chuckled. “Ask any photographer I work with. Light can be tricky.”

“Yes. Yes, and it can lie too….” Maybe not hide so easily, but it burned the truth away.

“I’m not sure if it lies or just casts shadows. I’m not sure it matters. You can’t have one without the other anyway. Timmy would love this conversation. He’s all into the codependence of things. The psychology of opposing ideals. Especially when he’s stoned.”

Tucker chuckled softly. “I just want Doritos and to listen to really good music.”

“Popcorn. But I’m with you on the music. I like weed. It doesn’t make me fat. Unless I eat too much popcorn.” Calvin laughed. “Sure beats the shit some models I know put into their bodies.”

“I bet. I mean, that’s a shit ton of pressure. No one ever has to see me. I’m invisible most of the time.” He couldn’t imagine being watched all the time.

“It can be. I seem to be pretty good at not getting rattled on set. It’s more the pressure they put on themselves when people aren’t watching, I think. I mean, I get it—I’ll spend four or five hours a day at the gym. And I wanted that burger tonight because I hadn’t eaten since Sunday. So who am I to judge?”

He shrugged. Not his circus, not his monkeys. He had his own demons to fight. “We all do what we got to.”

“Mmm. Yeah.” Calvin sighed. “This is the best I’ve felt in a while, tiger. You’re good for me.”

“I’m glad. You’re damn necessary.” He loved how Calvin made things focus.

“I’ve never been so happy to have done something so stupid. I don’t even take people home I meet in clubs. But you know what? You’ve never felt like a stranger. Not for one minute.”

“Maybe somehow we’re not.” Maybe they had been looking. Maybe they were meant to meet. Maybe their energies buzzed in the same frequency. Who knew?

“You think that’s possible? I mean, do you believe in that kind of thing?”

He grinned. He saw demons and men turning into birds. He built corners in his house so he had to look around them. He could believe in anything. “I think lots of things are possible.”

“Me too. After meeting you, I’m starting to think anything is. I feel optimistic around you.”

“There are worse things, honey. Hope is….” It was hope. Wonderful. Terrible. It was a thing.

“Risky. Exciting. Necessary. Hope is everything.”

“There you go.” He stretched, his back popping, his skin sliding against Calvin’s. “You want music to rest, honey? I don’t have a TV.”

“If you want. I’m good with your breathing.” Calvin stretched right alongside him, only he didn’t hear any creaking under all the muscle. Just an enormous yawn. “You want me to get the spotlights?”

“No. I’ll get them in a few.” Soon he would need to work, and he wasn’t ready to explore this space in the dark unless he was standing on the table and looking outside.

“Mm-hmm.” Calvin tucked an arm over Tucker’s chest, his breathing already settling into a sleepy rhythm.

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