Page 107 of Refraction

He looked at Don. “I think you guys better go.” He heard their voices well enough but couldn’t figure out which room they’d gone into. He wound around corners trying to find them. “Tucker?”

He heard a door slam somewhere behind him, and then he heard Don’s voice. “She’s having a hard time, son. You know that.”

“She’s had a hard time forever. That’s not my fault. Just go on, and I’ll come over for supper or something in a few weeks. She can tell me how to do my job and explain that she’s not as successful because she had to spend the best years of her life raising an ungrateful child.”

“Stop it. She just wanted to see you. I’ll come over in a few days and take both y’all to breakfast, just the three of us.”

A hard time with what? Where the fuck were they? Jesus.Sometimes these fucking walls….

He turned another corner and saw them, Tucker’s face as dark as Calvin had ever seen it. Darker. “You guys better go, Don. Call about breakfast. We’ll see where we are with things.” He moved gently to Tucker’s side, drew a hand down his lover’s arm and felt it tremble. “I’m here, tiger.”

“Love you, son. It was nice to meet you, Calvin. I look forward to getting to know you.” Donnie nodded to them, then disappeared behind another wall.

Sometimes it made him crazy how you couldn’t see anything, how this place was a maze.

So if Tucker’s parents overheard something they shouldn’t, too damn bad. “Hey. They’re going. They’re gone, okay?”

“I’m cool. Really. She just… we’re… I don’t know.”

“You’re locked. You want different things.” And angry. They were both angry. “What did your dad mean ‘she’s having a hard time’?”

“She’s a psychotic. Literally. She takes the drugs. Mostly she does okay, but not with me. There’s something about me that… I don’t know. I’m what’s wrong with her.”

“Your dad said she wants you to be more like her. You’re not what’s wrong with her. You’re just not what she wants you to be. And that’s too damn bad. Parents don’t get to choose.”

“No. No, they don’t. I just…. It’s no big deal. She’s unhappy. She’s brilliant. She wants me to be more than I am.”

For herself or for Tucker? “If you’re upset, if she gets to you, it’s a big deal. If you need to let it go for now, fine. But don’t pretend like it’s not a thing.”

“She thinks I’m a hack. A shock-jock artist. Dirty.”

He nodded. He’d heard her say as much. “I’m sorry, Tucker. Some people only see what they want to.”

“Yeah.” There was a wealth of hurt in that single word. “You look amazing, did I mention?”

“Best I could do on short notice. You may have mentioned that you liked the glitter.” He’d let Tucker change the subject. For now. “I actually missed this. It was a crappy excuse to do myself up, but I’m glad I did it. It feels good.”

“You’re gorgeous. I’m going to miss you when you go back to work. I’m not asking you not to go, just telling the truth.”

Oh God. He still had, like, ten days, right? They didn’t need to do this yet, did they? Now? “I’m going to miss you too. And I won’t pressure you to come with me. You’re welcome, but I know that you…. I understand this place, the house. I know you need it.”

Nothing about their relationship was conventional. They would make it work. They were creative, right?

“I don’t know that Tim wants me at your place, full-time. We’ll see what we can work out. The studio’s still mine, but…. We got this.”

“No. No way, Timmy would flip. Plus you can’t work in my tiny place.” He shook his head. “But we got this.” He nodded. He leaned into Tucker, gave him a smile. “Now that the place is quiet again, what do you want to do? You wanted to work? I can make some phone calls. You want to swim later, maybe?”

“I totally want to swim later. We could make turkey burgers on the grill. I want to play with you, splash, but I need to go work. She makes me feel like a stupid little boy.”

“I get it. But for what it’s worth, you are no little boy.” He gave the bulge in Tucker’s shorts a squeeze. “I’ll make the burgers and stuff. Make some calls. I might even catch a nap in the shade. All good.”

“I’m going to the barn. I want to get dirty. Think about lightbulbs and reflections.”

He smiled. That was just what Tucker should do. “Good. Go get dirty. Do your thing, tiger. I love you.”

“I love you.” Tucker kissed him, the connection just a tiny bit worried.

Calvin gave Tucker a pat on the butt and sent the cowboy off with a smile that felt unsettled on him as well. They just needed to ground. Tucker would get lost in his work, and he’d call Zoe and Timmy and dish for a while, then give himself a manicure and paint his nails. By dinner they’d both be more themselves.

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