Page 91 of Austen Persuaded

Before I could continue this depressing line of thinking, though, I realized everyone around me was either jumping into the pool or heading into the house. I turned to Viviana, who was just rising beside me. “Where’s everyone going?”

“To put on bathing suits, I imagine. Some people are just jumping in, clothes and all, but some of us aren’t so keen on that. Like Jack.” She laughed. “We’re headed inside. You coming?”

“Oh, uh, I’m not sure yet,” I said, my heart thumping in my chest. “You goon without me.”

This was it.

The moment I’d feared. The fear that had driven me to almost skip out on my own party.

Breathe.

Panic.

Breathe.

Maybe if I just hadn’t fallen into the pool—

Can’t breathe. Panic. Breathe. No. Don’t swallow water.

“No, it wasn’t my fault,” I whispered to no one. “My mother should’ve been watching her only child more closely. Or at all.”

Did she save me because she loved me? Or because she was trying to impress her boyfriend?

Did she ever love me?

Breathe.

In, out.

In, out.

I’d done this before. Pretended I wasn’t terrified of swimming. Pretended my throat wasn’t closing up at the very idea. Pretended I hadn’t experienced a horrible childhood trauma. I’d done it convincingly, apparently, because even Rafael didn’t know.

But it had been a while. I’d successfully dodged most invitations to go to pools and beaches in recent years.

I was out of practice. My breathing, my heart rate, my eye movement, all going faster and faster while I desperately tried to slow it all down. I gripped the bottom of the garden bench I sat on, holding on for dear life. Alcohol was supposed to dull the senses, wasn’t it? But I couldn’t stop feeling … everything.

In and out, just breathe.

Sweat beaded on my forehead. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the warm voice, distant yet close, so close.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to congratulate you yet.”

I blinked several times, trying to force my eyes to settle on Kylan as he sat next to me on the bench. “Uh … yeah.” It was all I could manage as I tried desperately not to let it show how hard it was to breathe, to think, to do anything.

“I wanted to congratulate you one on one. A speech in front of a group might have hinted at some kind of favoritism—” He stopped speaking and rubbed his jaw. “Or something.”

I took some slow breaths as the panic started to subside, but the word “favoritism” coming from him sparked a different kind of feeling. Surely he hadn’t meant itthatway, right? I managed a shaky smile. “Thank you.”

Kylan studied me intently. “Are you all right?”

I bit my lip and inhaled slowly. “Maybe? I, uh … this is going to sound ridiculous, but I don’t swim.”

“I know.” He paused. “Don’t look so shocked. It wasn’t that long ago that we were close, Annie. I did wonder if you, well, since you were having a pool party in your honor that maybe you’d changed your feelings on swimming in recent years, but … obviously not.”

I frowned. “Obviously?”

“Well, obviously to me.”

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