Page 100 of Austen Persuaded

Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“I should have known.” I sighed and then bit back a smile. “If I want to know how I feel about something, I should just ask you, eh?”

We both laughed, and it felt good, cleansing, for a few minutes.

But I sobered, recalling what we were discussing. “So, yeah, I don’t know if I can keep working for him. And he’s beenniceto me lately. It would be easier if he was mean and I could try to, like, hate him. In fact, I told him so, basically.”

“I get it,” Rafael said, nodding slowly. “But you can’t let this guy,anyguy, get in the way of this job. I’ve never seen you so excited about a job before. Not a job, a career. You’re becoming what I’ve always known you can be, passionate and focused and … you can’t give that all up because of a guy.”

I tilted my head thoughtfully. “Similar to the advice you and Viv gave me years ago, to let him go.”

“Wait, what?” Rafael raised his eyebrows and his hands in protest. “That was all Viviana. I didn’t agree with her.”

My eyes widened. “What?” My brow furrowed as I tried to process this. “You so did.”

He bit his lip, his eyes pointed at the corner of the ceiling. After a few slow breaths, he said, “I can see how you might’ve thought that. I wasn’t vocal about it. I wanted you to follow your heart, and I thought … well, things are different now. You didn’t know what you wanted then. And now you do. You were a kid then, and now you’re a career woman.”

I felt the corners of my mouth tugging upward. “Uh, it wasn’t that many years ago.”

“Mm-hmm.” He smiled and squeezed my hand briefly. “Annie, please. If you take anything away from this chat, let it be this: you are amazing, and you can’t let anyone, whether it’s your mother, your ex, or even me, dictate what you do with your life or how you feelabout yourself. Except, well, you need to listen tomewhen I say you’re amazing. Got it?”

My eyes pooled with unshed tears, but my lips curved upward into a sad smile. “Love you to the moon and back.”

“Love you to the barre and mat,” he replied as he always did. “Hey, let’s go get our ballet on.”

“Said no dancer ever,” I said with a groan. “Do I have to?”

“Yep,” he said, pulling me up by both hands. “I spent enough time in the closet, you know?”

I smiled ruefully and let him lead me out of the dark. For now.

I blinked. How long had that spider web been in that corner of the ceiling?

And how long had I been lying in bed staring at it?

I blinked again, several times in succession. My eyes burned from crying yesterday.

The weekend that I should be celebrating the new life I’d begun making for myself? I’d spent it sobbing in a dark closet. And sleeping—

Holy crap.

The alarm clock said 7:00 pm. I’d slept all day? How was that possible? Rafael must have slipped me a sleep aid last night. Or was it this morning? I vaguely remembered it being dark outside when he practically carried me and tucked me into bed.

Then again, I’d barely slept for weeks. Months, really. Maybe my body needed it. My brain certainly did. In fact, I just wanted to sleep some more, to forget, to mourn the dream fulfilled if only for a fleeting moment … a fantasy of a happy life for myself, really. Of making something of myself. Of being … worthy.

Just sleep, need to make it all stop. Sleep until tomorrow, at least.

Where is that sleep aid?

There must be more of it somewhere.

Or alcohol.

And somehow, another thought arose, if only quietly at first.

No.

Not anymore.

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