Page 65 of Meet Me on Christmas Eve

I nodded, trying to swallow. “And then, Christmas, well, it was Dad’s favorite time of year. We always celebrated, even if there was no money. Somehow, I don’t know how.”

She nodded and squeezed my shoulder. “Oh, I understand now. You couldn’t bring yourself to celebrate after that, until this year?”

I started to nod and then shook my head. “Actually, no. I did celebrate Christmas with my foster families after Dad passed, but it wasn’t the same. The real reason I boycotted the holiday for the last decade was … Terry.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Do tell.”

“When he left the resort at the end of his summer vacation, we knew we wouldn’t likely have time to meet up during the fall. But we promised each other we’d meet here on Christmas Eve, since we’d both have time off from college.” I inhaled deeply and then slowly let the breath out. “I came, and he didn’t. Alone and heartbroken on Christmas Eve.”

Hazel winced. “Oh no. But since you explained everything about being sabotaged by that bitch—I mean his sister—and then his parents dying, it kind of makes sense why he didn’t show.”

I nodded. “I don’t blame him anymore.” I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. “Anyway, with all the stuff in my childhood plus the mortifying situation with Terry, I just decided I was done being Mariana LaBelle. I desperately wanted to remake myself. When I met you a couple years later, in grad school, I was trying to change, but it was hard. I was still broke, you know? I mean, I had loans to pay for school and was a TA in the business school, but still basically broke. It wasn’t until Lisa died—she was my last foster mom—and I got the windfall that I finally had the means to truly remake myself. I’d just gotten my MBA, and you know the rest. I bought the resort, the rest is history. And all the while, I was perfecting what I thought was the perfect or best version of myself I could be …” I trailed off, unsure where to go from here.

“You said ‘what you thought was’—past tense?” Her eyes were bright with something I couldn’t identify.

“I … maybe I was wrong,” I said, looking back at the fern. “All that effort, and I still ended up falling in love with someone who I couldn’t be with. And being an emotional mess. Exactly what I’d wanted to avoid.” I paused, breathing a little faster before I looked at her. “And do you want to know what’s worst of all?”

Hazel gave me a small nod, her eyes glued to mine.

“All that effort, and I ended up just likeher,” I choked out. “I only just met my mother, but anyone can see right away she’s a wretched person. The way she looked at me and talked to me … so cool and collected. Also condescending. Andpretentious. I don’t want anything to do with her, and I sure as hell don’t want to see her when I look in the mirror every day.”

“Mari, Mari, you’re nothing like her. You have a kind heart, and youfeelthings and love people and care about things other than money and status. She is none of those things.”

“Maybe you didn’t see her up close,” I said quietly, “but I look just like her. She’s just like a slightly older version of me, and she doesn’t dye her hair like I do.”

Hazel asked hesitantly, “Do you think all along, maybe you were trying to change yourself to win her approval, in case you ever met?”

“No!” I scrunched my face, horrified at the idea. Then I paused to think. Shit. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“If not her, then people like her. Pretentious, judgmental, petty people who have nothing better to do than look down on others who are less fortunate, who are only doing their best …” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she said, “People like young Mari.”

I swallowed with some difficulty and felt a tear making its way down my cheek, then another. “Yeah, I was. But I think …” I paused, a crease forming between my eyebrows. “I’mdone, Hazel.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Done?”

“Done trying to impress others with some perfect, emotionless version of myself that never really existed anyway. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t even want to.” I shook my head and then steeled my spine as I sat up straight. “And it’ll be a cold day in hell before I become like my mother.”

My best friend’s smile was brighter than I’d seen in a long while, and she nearly knocked me back with the force of her hug.

“I’m so glad, Mari. I never liked seeing you battle with yourself. And you know how many times I’ve said—”

“You want the real me, I know.” The corner of my mouth curved upward on one side. “Well, be careful what you wish for.”

She giggled and then abruptly sobered. “What about the resort though? I mean, I know you always felt like you had to maintain a facade for the guests. I suppose anyone in hospitality does …”

I nodded slowly. “True. But … well, maybe I’ll start delegating more. I don’t have to be so involved in the day-to-day of the business.”

“Who even are you?” she exclaimed before hugging me again quickly. “I love that idea.” After a moment though, her face fell a bit, and I couldn’t read her expression. “Um, I hate to bring this up—”

“Say it.”

“Well, what about the Christmas village?”

“What about it?” My brow furrowed in confusion. “I still want it. It’s part of my long-term business plan, not just some whimsy.”

“But Terry wants it.” She pinned me with a serious look. “Most importantly, you want Terry.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but I could find any words.

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