Page 67 of Red Flags Only

He freezes, hand in my hair flexing. “No,” he says. “But that’s different.”

“Yes,” I agree. “Because you’re in love with me.”

“No,” he counters. “Because you’re Lyra.”

I groan, fisting his shirt in my hands. “And what do you think that sentence means?” You clueless, clueless boy.

“It means you’re Lyra,” he says.

I would pound my head against the wall if he weren’t holding it so closely to his chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he repeats. “But also… does it matter? I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m willing to stay with you. To care for you in any and all ways you’ll let me. If you want marriage? I’ll give you marriage. If you want it to be arealmarriage? Well, we’ve already established that we’re attracted to each other, so we can do that too. I’ll give you everything you want – kids, money, security. And none of it requires me to beinlove with you. Good ole regular friend love is strong enough.”

“I do not think you have any idea what good ole regular friend love feels like,” I tell him. “Because good ole regular friends do not offer to marry each other.”

“One could posit that other people are bad at good ole regular friend love,” he says. “On account of most people being selfish idiots.”

He is, possibly, not wrong.

Time for a new approach.

I put pressure on his hand, and he oh-so-graciously allows me to move my head half a foot away from him. I use that space to look up up up into his eyes, which stare down down down back at me, so full of sweetness.

Gazing. He is gazing lovingly at me.

When does cluelessness turn into stupidity? I thought we were in a friends-to-lovers situation, but maybe it’s actually idiots-to-lovers. We’ll be one of those couples people sayTook them long enough.orWeren’t they always together?about.

“What trope are you planning for tonight?” I ask. “In our ‘fake’ dating?”

His lips purse. “I think you were right about it no longer being fake. If you’re in love with me and I’m going to marry you, that seems pretty real.”

Uh huh. You don’t say.

“The trope?” I prompt.

“Only one bed,” he replies, eyes wandering over my head, where they go distant. “Less of a trope testing now, though, and more of a trial run. What if I snore, and that makes you fall out of love with me? Or, worse, what ifyousnore outside of the sick time snores I’ve already witnessed, and I don’t think it’s an adorable addition to all that is you, and I find that I can’t, in fact, live with a wife who not-adorable snores?” He shudders, and his eyes flash to mine. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this, actually. If we wait until we’re married, I’ll be locked in already, so the snores can’t drive me away.”

“No, no, no, no, no.” I shake my head. “We’re doingyour trope. And when we do it, I want you toreallypay attention. No researching allowed. Onlyfeeling. Okay?”

“But the snoring,” he says. “I don’t want to ruin our chances of marriage.”

I squeeze my arms between us to grab his face. “You know what will ruin our chances of marriage, Jove? If you aren’t in love with me. I’m not marrying a man who can’t feel the depth of his feelings for me, and I’m definitely not marrying a man who thinks I’d be okay with a lifetime of knowing I’m not getting back the same amount of love that I’m putting in.”

His eyes widen, panic shooting through them as his arms contract around me. “You said you’re mine forever,” he blurts, words jumbling as he races to get them out. “You saidhelplesslymine.”

“And I am,” I assure him. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to accept whatever scraps you’re willing to throw my way, no matter how enticing they are.” And a rich, full life with the man I love is pretty enticing. “I’m demanding better for myself.” I smile, a little rueful. “You taught me how to do that.”

“I’m in love with you,” he declares, desperation coating his voice. “Totally gone. Very in love.”

I laugh, but not in a happy way. “We both know that’s not a real confession, Jove, and honestly it kind of hurts to hear you throw it out there without thought, even knowing you mean well.”

I move in, tucking my head against him again.

“I’m not trying to scare you. I’ll be here for you, always always. We can have what we have now, if maybe a little bit… less touchy.” I sigh. “It’s not an ultimatum, Jupie. It’s respecting myself. It’s sayingthisis what I’m willing to accept for my life, andthisis what I’m not. I am still yours, either way, because no amount of boundaries and self-respect can change the feelings of a heart – and, truthfully, I wouldn’t even want them to. I love loving you.” I snuggle close, trying to reassure him as he clings to me. “This might not matter anyway. Iknowyou’re in love with me. It’s just a matter of whether or not you’ll realize it too.”

We stand in silence after that for a long time, Jove doing his very best to meld into my skin and me giving him whatever reassurance I can with my hold.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers eventually. “I barely survived the last time I lost someone. I can’t do it again.”

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