Page 22 of Oh No, My Best Friend Hates Christmas!

I wiggle my arms up and around him, pulling his hair back from our faces and holding it in my grip at the back of his head, giving us some much-needed fresh air.

Head turned to the side, I speak, “You see how I have given us clean air? You see how I don’t speak directly into your face? You see how Itriedto escape to scrub my teeth down to shiny, smell-good cleanness? Very demure of me. Veryrespectful. Do consider!”

He grunts. Of course. I roll my eyes.

“Seriously, Baz. We need to brush our teeth. Then we can play whatever game it is that you want to play.”

I pull his hair, a very clear signal for him get off me. A veryclear signal that he ignores, because apparently he hates fresh breath.

“Basil!”

He leans down, pulling my hands with him, and kisses me – twenty percent mouth! And with morning breath! The man has lost his mind.

I grumble, pulling on his hair again, and he concedes, moving his stinky mouth away from me and rolling off the mattress. I roll in the opposite direction, falling to all fours on the other side of the bed, then pop up to my feet.

The cold air on my bare legs has me shivering. Stupid Archie. He better be out getting a new breaker box thing right this second. If we reach midday without heat, I will sic Baz on him, and I will not make him stop right when he gets to the good part.

Bazzy watches me from across the expanse of the bed, hair rumpled and chocolate eyes lazy with mischief. He appears unaffected by the icicles forming on the ceiling.

I point at him.

“You arenotfunny!”

He gives me one of his rare smiles, showing off plaque-covered teeth, I’m sure, though I cannot actuallyseethe plaque from here, if I’m being totally honest.

My eyes narrow.

“I’m going to go brush my teeth now. You should do the same,” I say, smoothing out the extra-large t-shirt I’m wearing as I walk primly out of the room, chin up and eyes judging, pretending not to feel the cold seeping into my bones. It would ruin the whole vibe I’m trying to cultivate.

I’m nearly past Baz when he snaps at the air in my direction, causing me to squeal and stumble. I recover quickly, booking it to the hallway.

Stupid Baz. He ruined my perfect exit!

Deep laughter floats out from his doorway, and I pause tolisten, smiling to myself. Basil laughter! As incredible as it is sparse. I must revel in this moment, soaking it in so that it might tide me over until the next joyful occurrence.

The laughter fades out slowly, turning into chuckles, then amused sighs, then silence, the sound moving around the room as he retrieves his clothes for the day.

When the silence hits, I hustle to the bathroom, not trying to get caught mooning over my best friend at whatever time in the morning it is right now – or at any time, actually.

In the bathroom, I scrub my teeth to within an inch of their life, flossing and rinsing like I get paid to do it. My teeth thank me, happy to be rid of the early-morning film of grossness.

Once my mouth has been thoroughly decontaminated of overnight germs, I go through the rest of my morning routine in the soft light coming through the small window above the toilet, hopping back and forth on my feet to keep warm.

My face gets washed. The bare minimum of my makeup gets done. My hair transforms from a tangled rat’s nest to a smooth lion’s mane.

I rub my arms, letting the friction thaw me out, and smile at myself in the mirror. Time for my Archie-prescribed affirmations.

“You are kind,” I start, powering through the awkwardness that is speaking to my own reflection. “You are a good person… mostly. You are respectfu– oh, crap,” I stop, shake my head, then start over. “Iam kind,” I correct. “Iam a good person… still mostly.Iam respectful.Iam a wonderful judge of character. I am smart. Ido not take up too much space. I am not too much. I am deserving of time, attention, and love, just like anyone else. Well, except for sucky people. But I am not a sucky person, so that is an off-track thought that has no business being in these affirmations. I will move on from it, like the smart, capable young woman I am. Rabbit trails have no hold on me. I eat rabbittrails for breakfast!”

I nod, feeling very affirmed. No woman has ever been or will be more affirmed than I am at this moment. I have kicked affirmation butt today.

I leave the bathroom on bouncy feet and run into Basil, waiting outside the door.

“Oh!” I exclaim. “Sorry, Bazzy! I thought you’d use the one downstairs.”

My face flames, and I hope with all that I have in me that he did not hear me talking to myself.

No such luck.

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