Page 17 of Oh No, My Best Friend Hates Christmas!

I scream.

Baz stops moving, and my mouth snaps shut. I hope I didn’t ruin his super spy ears and our chances of surviving the pitch-black night.

After several long moments of Baz employing his super ears and me not daring to even breathe, he drifts through the shadows toward the front door. How he can be so quiet when it’s just himself, I’ll never know, but I take the silence while carrying another person as further evidence of the Christmas magic within him.

I slap a hand over my mouth to help stifle a hysterical laugh at the thought.

Now is really not the time to be losing it over the idea of my favorite holiday curmudgeon being filled to the brim with Christmas magic.

Baz’s hands tighten on my thighs almost painfully, and I’m sobered.

Right. Danger.

I turn my head to look out the entryway windows as we approach the door, and see the dark impression of a man standing in the middle of the road, backlit by soft lights pouring from the house across the street. I squint.

“Is that…”

“Archie,” Baz says, then repeats the name, managing to make the two syllables sound like the worst of four-letter words.

He pries me off of him and sets me down next to the door before opening it and marching outside. I grimace.

Welp, it was nice knowing Archie. I enjoyed – mostly – our time as friends these past several years. I will speak of him honestly always. Perhaps, if I am feeling generous, I will even erect a memorial to him.

I peek outside to watch as his doom finds him.

“What the–” Oop. Baz is talking. Loudly. Andcussing. Good golly. I fan myself. “–do you think you’re doing? It’s past midnight. We’re in the middle of something, you–” Goodness. He knowsa lotof cuss words.

Archie grins in the face of his demise.

“What were you two lovebirds doing?” he interrupts the slew of curse words – American, British, and what sounds like Russian – coming from Baz. “Something scandalous, I hope!”

Archie wiggles his eyebrows at the large, irate man in front of him. Baz falls silent and goes very, very still.

Uh oh.

That is really not good.

Chapter Six

Archie’s eyes spark with unhinged joy as he grins at Basil, who responds by grabbing him by the neck and lifting the smaller man a foot off the ground.

Archie doesn’t struggle.

He dangles, grin growing larger for every new shade of red his face attains. His skin is on the verge of purple when he brings his hands up to grip Baz’s forearms, but he doesn’t do anything more than clutch onto them while his eyelids lower until he’s seeing through only slits.

I eye the pair, then the snow, then the men again.

Ugh.

I’m going to have to step in.Literally.

I groan and walk out into the snow.

“You two are so annoying, you know that?” I complain, reaching them right as Archie’s hands lose their hold on Baz’s arms.

“Baz, let him go. You know he’s enjoying this. Pick a better punishment.”

Baz grunts, annoyed, then releases his hold on Archie’s throat and watches as he drops to the ground, sputtering for air. Baz crosses his arms while Archie stretches out on his back in the snow, still gasping for breath. His eyes twinkle up at us, and a slow smile spreads across his face even as he struggles to inhale the oxygen his body so desperately needs.

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