Page 48 of Bound and Branded

I needed to change.

I feel like maybe I finally have.

Chapter Eleven

Avery

I don’t go to his house to work tomorrow. I do chores on the ranch, and carefully avoid my dad, and then I go upstairs and actually spend time getting myself ready.

Our sessions have been so caught up in the surprise of it all, in me working for him, that I haven’t actually done this before. Haven’t made myself smell nice for him. Haven’t shaved and waxed just for the occasion. It’s funny, because I enjoy the act of choosing sexier clothes for him, underwear. But I know it’s not really what he’s going to be after.

Because he likes me in his ropes, and nothing else is that. But what I hope he sees is the effort that I’m putting into him. To this fantasy.

To our time together.

Giving to him is good. It’s easy, because of everything he gives to me. I don’t have to draw a hard boundary around him for fear that he’ll take advantage of me.

He won’t. Because he cares what I want too much.

Because he needs my submission to be willing and enthusiastic, or he’s a bully and not a Dominant, and he’s definitely not a bully.

I feel like I’m more vulnerable tonight, which is maybe a silly thing. But I want something more. Something deeper. And it’s not about doing the next, kinkier thing, but it’s about exposing myself. What I want.

That’s another thing I didn’t fully appreciate about what I enjoy about submission. Him directing it means that I can’t be rejected. I’m terrified of that. So much of what I do is about that fear of rejection. From not being the one to outline what’s going to happen, to my reluctance to tell him when he’s gone too far.

It’s why it was so hard for me to tell him what my dreams were. Because when it comes to my dad, he doesn’t care, because he cares about protecting his own interests. And with my mom it always just felt like abandonment. Like I personally wasn’t enough, no matter what I did.

Those two things have tied themselves around me, but unlike his ropes, they’ve kept me bound in a way that doesn’t serve me at all.

I’m done with that. I want to be free. I want to feel something more. Something better.

I finish getting ready and when I walk out of the house, I don’t say anything to my dad at all.

When I arrive at his place it feels different somehow. I feel different. Like a shift has taken place inside of me. One that I know needed to happen. One that makes me feel frightened and liberated all at once.

I walk up the steps and open up the front door. I don’t wait for him. He knows I’m coming.

He’s there, standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, that gorgeous body on display. I want to touch him everywhere. I want to put my hands all over him.

But I wait. Because even though this is my scene, it’s all a very fine line. I have no desire to be in charge. I only have fantasies that I want fulfilled.

“Before we start,” he says. “I want figure out where you’re at today. Yesterday was very intense.”

I nod. “It was. I’ve had a lot of time to think. About why I pushed so far outside my comfort zone. About what I needed to realize. About myself. About what my role is. And what I need to give to you.”

“Really?”

“I’m not… I don’t want to top from the bottom.”

He laughed. “Maybe some other people feel differently about it, but to me that isn’t sharing what you want. A submissive should always get what she wants. What she needs. Maybe it’s not what you want in the moment, but it’s what you need long term. You have to trust your Dom to let him do that.”

“I do trust you. I understand what you were doing.”

“Good.”

“I told my dad that I’m not taking care of the ranch anymore. Not unless I get to be in charge of the money.”

“Good for you.”

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