Page 28 of The Silencer

"I know," she says, reaching out to squeeze my hand."But I wanted to.You've been through enough, Clodagh.You don't deserve to have people talking crap about you on top of everything else."

Orna clears her throat, reminding us of the adults' presence."While I understand Lisa's motivations, violence is never the answer.That's why she's grounded for the next two weeks."

Lisa rolls her eyes but doesn't argue.I can tell she thinks it was worth it.

"Thank you," I say softly to Lisa."For standing up for me.But please don't get yourself hurt on my account again, okay?"

She grins, bumping her shoulder against mine."No promises.That's what friends are for, right?"

I laugh softly, feeling a warmth in my chest that I haven't felt in a long time.Despite everything that's happened, I realize I'm not alone.I have Tammy, I have Lisa, I have people who care about me and are willing to fight for me—literally, in Lisa's case.

“Are you okay?”Lisa asks a few hours later.We’re sitting on her bed while Tammy and Orna are talking downstairs.

“I’m okay.Yesterday was...”I pause, trying to find the right words.

"You finally breaking.It's been a long time coming," Lisa finishes for me.

I nod, feeling tears pricking at my eyes again."Yeah, I guess it was.I've been trying so hard to be okay, to pretend that everything's fine.But seeing him yesterday, it just brought everything back."

Lisa reaches out and takes my hand, squeezing it gently."You don't have to pretend with me, Clodagh.You know that, right?It's okay to not be okay sometimes."

I look at her, seeing the sincerity in her eyes."I know.It's just...I'm tired of being the girl whose family was murdered.I'm tired of people looking at me with pity or whispering about me behind my back."

"Those people don't matter," Lisa says firmly."The ones who really care about you—me, Tammy, Orna—we don't see you as just that girl.We see you, Clodagh.All of you."

Her words touch something deep inside me, and I feel myself starting to cry again.Lisa pulls me into a hug, and I let myself lean into her, drawing comfort from her presence.

"I met Emmanuel yesterday," I say quietly after a few minutes."Before the party."

Lisa pulls back, her eyes wide with surprise."What?Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug."I didn't know how to process it.He...he apologized.He said he could have stopped his father, but didn't."

Lisa's expression hardens."That bastard.How dare he show his face to you after all this time?"

"Dr.Murphy says I shouldn't hate him," I admit."She says he was just a kid too, caught in a terrible situation."

Lisa is quiet for a moment, considering this."Maybe," she says finally."But that doesn't mean you have to forgive him or be okay with what happened."

I nod, grateful for her understanding."I don't know how to feel about it.Part of me is still so angry, but another part...I don't know.I'm just tired of carrying all this hate and pain around."

"That's okay too," Lisa says."You don't have to have it all figured out right now.And whatever you feel, it's valid."

We sit in comfortable silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.Finally, Lisa speaks again.

"You know, Clodagh, you're the strongest person I know.After everything you've been through, you're still here.Still fighting.That's pretty amazing."

Her words warm me, and I feel a small smile tugging at my lips."I don't feel very strong most of the time."

"But you are," Lisa insists."Every day you get up and face the world.That's strength.And I'm proud to be your friend."

“Stop,” I whisper.“You’ll make me cry again.”

She nudges my shoulder with hers.

"So, I'm grounded for two weeks, which means you'll have to come visit me here if you want to hang out," Lisa says with a grin."Maybe we can have a movie marathon or something?"

I nod, grateful for the change of subject."That sounds good.We can catch up on all those films we've been meaning to watch."

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