Page 78 of The Silencer

Sliding into my car, I glance at the time.I’ve got an hour to get to the doctor’s appointment.The past few weeks, I’ve not been feeling the best.I had put it down to stress, especially with Emmanuel gone, but I went to the doctors for a blood test and just a general check up.Today, I get the results from that test.I’m slightly nervous about what they’ll say, but I’m really hoping it’ll just be from stress.

I try to calm my nerves as I sit in the doctor's waiting room.The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions—the joy of getting engaged to Emmanuel, the stress of final exams, and now this lingering worry about my health.I fidget with my engagement ring, the weight of it still unfamiliar but comforting on my finger.

"Clodagh O'Rourke?"the nurse calls.I stand, taking a deep breath before following her to the examination room.

Dr.Valls enters a few minutes later, a warm smile on her face."Hello Clodagh, how are you feeling today?"

"A bit nervous, to be honest," I admit."But otherwise okay."

She nods understandingly."Well, I have your test results here.Your blood work came back normal for the most part, but there is one thing that stood out."She pauses, her expression softening."Clodagh, you're pregnant."

The world seems to stop for a moment as her words sink in.Pregnant?My hand instinctively goes to my stomach.

"I...what?"I stammer, my mind reeling."But I'm on birth control..."

Dr.Valls nods."Birth control isn't one hundred percent effective, as you know.Based on your hormone levels, I'd estimate you're about twelve weeks along."

Twelve weeks.My mind races back, counting the days.It must have happened right around the time Emmanuel proposed.

"Are you okay, Clodagh?"Dr.Valls asks gently."I know this must be a shock."

I nod slowly, still processing."Yeah, I'm just...surprised.My fiancé and I hadn't planned on this happening so soon."

"Well, you have options," she begins, but I shake my head.

"No, I...we want this baby," I say, surprising myself with how certain I feel."It's just unexpected."

Dr.Valls smiles."Alright then.Let's talk about prenatal care and what you can expect in the coming months."

The rest of the appointment passes in a blur of information about vitamins, diet, and future check-ups.As I leave the clinic, my hand rests on my still-flat stomach.I'm going to have a baby.Emmanuel and I are going to be parents.The doctor managed to fit me in with a scan this evening.I’m supposed to be going back to Dublin tonight, but I know Emmanuel will be okay with me missing the girls’ night out Lisa invited me to.

Lisa is meeting up with a few of Maverick’s friends' wives.I was apprehensive about going as I don’t really know any of them.Thankfully, I now have an excuse.

I pull out my cell and call Emmanuel.Now isn’t the time to tell him.It can wait until I’m home in his arms.

“Hey, baby, everything okay?How did the exam go?”

"Hey," I say, trying to keep my voice steady."The exam went fine.I’m hoping I aced it.I have a last minute doctor's appointment about my migraines," I lie.Emmanuel has asked me a few times to get an appointment and see if the doctor can do anything about them.

There's a pause on the other end of the line."Is everything okay, Clodagh?"Emmanuel asks, concern evident in his voice.I love that he cares and I know he’ll worry.

"Yeah, everything's fine," I assure him quickly."They managed to squeeze me in, which is great, so I’ll be heading back to Dublin right after the appointment."

"Alright," he says, though I can tell he's not entirely convinced."You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," I say with a smile.God, I really am so lucky to have him."I love you, Emmanuel.I'll see you tonight."

"I love you too, baby.Text me when you’re leaving."

After we hang up, I take a deep breath.I hate keeping things from Emmanuel, but I want to tell him about the baby in person.This isn't news you share over the phone.

I’m in a daze for the rest of the afternoon.I deep-cleaned the apartment, changed the sheets, scrubbed every surface I could find — but none of it helps.I’m still a mess.

* * *

The technician is friendly and chatty as she prepares me for the scan."First baby?"she asks with a smile.

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.God, this is all so surreal.I wish Emmanuel were here, but he’s needed in Dublin.The past two months have been hectic with work for him.I’m far from stupid; I know exactly what he does.He’s a killer; in fact, a sharp shooter.It didn’t take me long to work it out.While it terrifies me that he could be caught or even worse, killed, I know it’s who he is and I love him.I just pray nothing will ever happen to him.

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