Page 61 of The Silencer

"I'm sorry, Clodagh.He's an idiot for letting you go."

I force a laugh."It's fine.Really.I'm focusing on my studies and trying to move forward."

As I say the words, I try to believe them.But the truth is, Emmanuel's absence is a constant ache, a hollow space I can't seem to fill.

"Well, enough about boys," Lisa says, clearly trying to lighten the mood."What are your plans for today?Please tell me you're not spending your birthday alone in your dorm room."

I smile, grateful for the subject change."Actually, my roommate, Jen, is taking me out for dinner and drinks later.She's pretty cool."

"Good," Lisa says approvingly."You deserve to have some fun.Just...be careful, okay?"

I know what she means.Even though Jacob is no longer a threat, the fear and caution have become ingrained in me."I will.I promise."

After we hang up, I sit on my bed, lost in thought.It's my first birthday away from home, away from the people who've become my family, and despite the freedom I now have, there's a part of me that feels more alone than ever.I’m eighteen today and it’s not like anything I ever imagined.I always dreamed that I’d be in Dublin with Lisa and Tammy, having fun and celebrating.But that’s not the case.

And for a second, I wonder what today would’ve been like if my parents were still alive.Would Mom have made me pancakes like she always used to?Would Dad have embarrassed me with some cheesy card and a hug that lasted too long?Would I have even ended up here at all?

But none of that’s real.None of that’s happening.

Instead, after Emmanuel and I shared that kiss, I ran.I needed an escape.I became reliant on him.I began to fall for him.I was stupid, so damn stupid.I thought he felt the same for me.How wrong was I?

A knock on my door startles me out of my thoughts."Come in," I call out.

Jen pokes her head in, her curly hair wild as always."Hey, birthday girl, are you ready to party?"

I force a smile and grab my jacket."As ready as I'll ever be."

We head to the bar and I try to push aside thoughts of Emmanuel, of home, of the life I left behind.Tonight, I'm just a normal college student celebrating her birthday.Nothing more, nothing less.

“Surprise,” I hear shouted as we step inside the bar, and I’m shocked to see so many people here.Including Tammy and Lisa.I rush to them, my arms outstretched.God, what are they doing here?

My eyes well up with tears as I'm enveloped in Tammy and Lisa's embrace.The scent of Tammy's perfume and the warmth of Lisa's hug make me feel like I'm home again.

"What are you doing here?"I exclaim, pulling back to look at them in disbelief.

Tammy cups my face in her hands, her eyes shining."Did you really think we'd miss your eighteenth birthday, sweetheart?"

Lisa grins, linking her arm through mine."We've been planning this for weeks with your roommate.You're not getting rid of us that easily!"

I turn to Jen, who's watching the scene with a satisfied smile."You knew about this?"

She shrugs, looking pleased with herself."What can I say?I'm an excellent secret-keeper."

As the initial shock wears off, I take in the rest of the bar.There are balloons and streamers everywhere, and a banner that reads ‘Happy 18th Birthday, Clodagh!’. I recognize some faces from my classes, and the friends I’ve made since I came here.

"This is...incredible," I breathe, feeling overwhelmed by the love and effort that's gone into this surprise.

As the night progresses, I find myself actually enjoying the party.I dance with Lisa, laugh at Tammy's attempts to dance, and even manage to relax enough to have a drink.I’ve never felt as happy as I do at this moment.I really lucked out in not only having Lisa and Tammy, but also Jen.Today has been better than I could have ever imagined.

* * *

It’s after midnight.Tammy and Lisa left a while ago, heading back to Dublin—Tammy didn’t have a drink and I know she hates being away from Mister Whiskers for too long.I’m buzzed.I can feel the effects of the alcohol hitting me.It’s been years since I’ve had a drink.I wave to Jen as I make my way outside, needing a breather.I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Happy birthday, Clodagh."

My eyes snap open at the sound of that familiar voice.Standing a few feet away, hands in his pockets and an uncertain expression on his face, is Emmanuel.

My heart races, a mixture of anger, longing, and confusion washing over me."What are you doing here?"I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

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