Page 71 of Vasily the Hammer

Before she can answer, Artom peeks around to look at both of us and say, “Mommy, she can’t be in love with Daddy. You’re in love with Daddy.”

Maria snorts.

My cheeks heat up. “Have I told you that?”

Artom bites his bottom lip like he’s realized he’s said something he shouldn’t have, but Maria and I both give him the sort of looks that wring the truth out of little boys. “Umm, no. But... Uncle D did. He said you love Daddy and Daddy loves you, but Daddy’s ayobany priduruk.”

“Uncle D?”Maria mouths at me as I ask, “What’s that mean?”

I shrug at her. Yeah, still no idea who Uncle D is.

Artom shrinks like a turtle retreating into its shell.

“Is it a bad word?” I ask, and he nods in relief.

“I’m not in love with him,” Maria assures me. “I like him more than I probably should, but not in that way. He’s just, well, you know already how good he is at scratching itches.”

I grimace.

“Mommy’s got this long stick thing for scratching itches,” Artom chimes in.

I grimace harder. “A back scratcher. He means a back scratcher.”

“Uncle D says I’m not supposed to go in your bed drawer ‘cause of your back massager,” he adds.

There’s an incredibly long, incredibly painful moment of silence where I just want to crawl into the ball pit and die, but I also don’twant to find out what nightmares I might find at the bottom of a McDonald’s ball pit.

And I’ve been wondering about who this Uncle D is. I had a thought he might be a boyfriend, but if he thinks Vasily and I love each other, hopefully not. If he says bad words about Vasily, though, and if he knows about my ‘back massager,’ maybe he is my boyfriend, and he’s hoping I’ll eventually give up on the guy who’s clearly not coming back.

The guy who I still don’t understand why he sent me back to my brother to begin with. I saw how he looked at me in those videos. That wasn’t a man planning on sending me back home pregnant out of spite, like Tony described it.

“I know you have a lot to think about,” Maria eventually says. “And if you don’t want to go back to Vasily, I understand. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have your strings pulled in a hundred directions and not have any of your life experience to guide you. There’s some stuff happening right now, too, stuff I don’t think you should be mixed up in. I promised Vasily I’d keep you safe, and that’s all I care about. But Tony... Tony has put you in bad spots before, and I can’t say he won’t do it again. So I’d like to work on getting you out of his place as soon as I can. If your memories come back or if the situation changes somehow and you decide Tony is your best bet, that is...” She shrugs. “That’s not what I’d advise, but it’s your choice. But I want you at least independent somehow.”

It seems impossible, not when I can’t function, but those newspaper articles bolster me some. “I owned a business, a restaurant. I have a whole community back in Florida. The church, there’s a women’s shelter I’m heavily involved in, and I think I need to figure out who Uncle D is. Plus, Artom’s school. I don’t want him to fallbehind because of me. Do you think we could figure out how to get me back there? At least find out if it’s an option?”

Maria has a doubtful look on her face. She taps a finger on the edge of the pit, a tell. It’s important that I start learning tells. From Vasily and Tony, from Artom, even from Camilla. She’s my best friend, but I don’t think she was fully honest with me yesterday.

With a nod to herself, Maria says, “Yes. I will make a call to Tampa, see if I can get your information.”

“I want to talk to Vasily,” I tell her before I start to waver on that. “On the phone. I don’t have a phone, but I have access to a computer. I can talk to him that way.”

Maria lightens up at that request. “Yes, absolutely we can make that happen. He’ll feel better just talking to you, I’m sure. He hasn’t been doing well, not mentally. He’s just worried about...” Her words trail off as she grabs her phone, only for it to start vibrating the moment she touches it. She frowns and takes the call with, “Hey, Janson.”

Her face falls as Janson begins to talk on the other end, but this isn’t like Vasily getting chewed out by his sister. I can’t hear his side right now.

Maria takes a couple deep breaths after she says, “Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” and hangs up. She tells Artom he should try the slide, and only when he’s up in the belly of the jungle gym does she look at me.

Her face is stricken, the color melting away behind her makeup. “Vasily’s overdosed. They think it was heroin. He’s at the hospital, but they don’t... they don’t know if he’s going to...”

I’m already on my feet when I say, “I have to see him.”

I swear I’m going to die of a heart attack in the hour it takes me to fly to Flagstaff, and I’m lucky Maria manages to arrange the flight for me so I don’t have to spend an extra two hours at the airport. Maria gave me two fifty-dollar bills, and I’m just praying that will get me through to whatever the next step is.

I’m so far away from deciding where I stand with Vasily, but I can’t fathom a future that he doesn’t have some role in.

The cab driver is silent, no surprises since I’m clearly upset and being driven to the hospital. I make a rash decision and don’t even look at the change he gives me when he drops it off. I just wave it away.

When I get to the front desk, I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t know where he is, I haven’t had an update on his condition. I don’t know if he’s alive.

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