Page 33 of Daddy's Dirty Little Secret

17

XANDER

As soon as Amelia walked out the door, I could feel the anger rising in me. I shouldn’t have let myself get so worked up. I shouldn’t have felt so possessive when I thought it was Godwin, especially when it turned out to be nothing. But the thought of another guy having her—just the idea that he might be around her in that way—it set me off. I knew I was better than that. I told myself I was. But the truth was, I felt this gnawing in the pit of my stomach, something darker and uglier than I liked to admit.

The way she talked about her dad, how he kept making poor choices, how she had to be the one to step in—it hit home. She was talking about him needing someone to look out for him. I didn’t just hear that. I felt it.

My dad had been making bad choices for years, especially with women. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had to pick up the pieces after one of his relationships fell apart. He’d always tell me it was his fault, that he let things get too complicated, but I could see what went wrong every time. He trusted true love, and it failed him time and again.

Watching someone you care about make bad choices, not being able to stop it, felt like a kick in the gut. I’d seen it in her eyes when she talked about her father. And I felt it in my chest too. There was a spark there. A connection that I couldn’t ignore, no matter how hard I tried.

But I messed it up. I should’ve been there for her. I should’ve told her I understood, that I was here for her, that she didn’t have to carry that load alone. Instead, I pushed her away. I let my own confusion get in the way of something real, probably because I knew in my heart, I’d only screw it up later anyway.

Amelia had needed someone, and I’d been too proud, too wrapped up in my own guilt to step up when it mattered. All I could think about was how much I wanted it to be Godwin that she was upset with—so much so that I joked about him, and she joked with me. And when she touched me, I snapped. I felt like a fool.

I was a fool.

Strolling into the kitchen, I picked up my phone from the counter and unlocked it. My fingers hovered over the screen for a moment, then I typed out the message.

Xander 7:18 PM:Thanks for coming by. Hope you’re starting to feel better. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out. Take care.

I stared at the message for a second before hitting send. Setting the phone back down, I poured myself a drink, the whiskey dark and smooth as it filled the glass. I leaned back against the counter, feeling the tension in my shoulders start to ease.

The sex with Amelia was easy, uncomplicated, just the way I liked it. No strings, no expectations—just two people satisfying their needs. But every time I walked away, there was a lingering thought. I wasn’t sure if it was regret or something else. I’d convinced myself that this was all I wanted, but the truth was,I didn’t know if I could walk away from her without feeling the weight of what I’d passed up.

It wasn’t just the sex—it was the way she made me feel, the spark that flickered every time we were together. I told myself it was just physical, but deep down, I knew it was more. I wanted to be the kind of guy who could open up, offer more than just fleeting moments. But I wasn’t built for that. So I kept pushing it down, kept telling myself it was fine, but something inside me kept hoping for more. A stubborn hope that didn’t want to die no matter how many times I tried to crush it.

So I dipped into my bag of tricks, calling my father to help squash the little ember that refused to die. I grabbed my phone and dialed my dad’s number, tapping my fingers against the table while I waited for him to pick up. The sound of the line connecting felt almost too loud in the quiet kitchen.

“Hey, Dad,” I said once he answered, leaning back in my chair. “How’s everything?”

“Same old, Xander. How about you? You holding up alright?” Dad sounded chipper like always, and like always it made me feel tense. How could he be so happy when life kept kicking him when he was down?

“Yeah, just…” I sighed, trying to find the right way to put it. “Work’s been a mess. I’ve been striking out with new clients, and I’m feeling like nothing’s working lately.”

“Ah, you’re too hard on yourself. You always are. Look, when are you going to stop letting work situations get to you so much? You’ve been all over the place lately.”

I rubbed my jaw, staring out the window. The light was fading outside, the day winding down. “Maybe, but it’s getting frustrating. I feel like I’m failing, and it’s not sitting right with me.” I knew it wouldn’t sit right with Laurence either, and while I had nothing to prove to him—he didn’t own the company anymore—his opinion did matter.

There was a beat of silence on the other end before Dad spoke again in a lighter tone. “You need to take a step back, son. Relax a little. When are you going to settle down, huh?”

I could feel my jaw tighten at the mention of that. “Settle down? Like you? You’ve been chasing whatever woman comes your way for years. That’s the solution? Just keep doing the same thing?” This was the very reason I had called. I knew the topic would come up and my heart would get the beating it needed.

His voice went defensive, but not in a way that surprised me. “You’re not getting it. You need someone who can help you, Xander. Someone like Candy. She’s different. You should think about it.”

I stared at the floor, biting back my words. “Candy? How many times have you said that about the women before her?” The dozens of women…I shook my head and massaged one temple.

“Well, this time is different,” he insisted, his tone soft but firm. He always insisted, always tried to say this one wasthe oneand convince me love was real and within my reach.

I let out a sharp breath, leaning forward on the table. “Yeah, right. You keep saying that, but you’ve never held onto any of them. You’ve jumped from one to the next, and now you want me to follow the same playbook?”

“Stop twisting it, Xander. It’s not like that.” Now he was angry. I hadn’t meant to anger him; I just wanted the swift kick in the pants that would keep me from doing something stupid with Amelia.

“No? Then why’d Mom leave, Dad? If women are supposed to be this amazing solution, why did she walk out on us?” Things went quiet. I had pushed the wrong button and I knew it.

I could feel him pull back on the other end, the silence thick before he finally spoke again, his voice low and tight. “Don’t bring your mother into this.”

“I’m just saying, Dad,” I pressed, “if women were the answer, you wouldn’t be in this cycle.”

“Enough, Xander. You don’t know anything.” I heard his breath quicken. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“You don’t want to hear the truth,” I said quietly, the words sharp despite myself.

“Goodbye, Xander,” he snapped, cutting the call without another word.

I stared at the phone in my hand, the sudden quiet in the kitchen feeling too loud now.

I stared at my phone, waiting for Amelia’s response, but it never came. My thumb hovered over the screen, but I couldn’t bring myself to press send again. I felt the frustration building in my chest. My dad’s words echoed in my mind about how amazing it could be, how I should settle down. But what was the point? Everyone always left. They always would. Even Amelia. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just waiting for the inevitable.

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