Page 78 of An Island in the Sun

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Tabitha woke up alone, in the guest bed she’d shared with Raff just the night before. So much had changed in such a short time. Her anger at him for leaving had dissipated to the extent that she wished he was here with her, but then, wouldn’t that make it all the harder to leave for good later? She was leaving the villa, but was she leaving the island?

She grabbed her phone and clicked on to Ollie’s message. Writing together and touring the world, wasn’t that once the dream? Perhaps this was the opportunity she’d been waiting for. She’d buried all the past hurt and misunderstanding and he was offering her a chance for things to go back to the way they used to be and an even bigger platform for her songwriting career.

She made a snap decision and thumbed a quick reply.

Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. Things have changed, meaning I’ll be leaving Madeira sooner than expected. I should be flying out later today, but I can come over to yours first and chat more about the tour if you’re around? I’m definitely interested…

By the time she’d showered, Ollie had replied with a simple ‘yes, come on over’ along with his address. Tabitha sent a thumbs up emoji back and dressed for comfort in trainers, black dungarees and a fitted white T-shirt. She slicked on red lipstick and gathered her washbag and the rest of her belongings. If things worked out with Ollie, she could always change her flight again…

Cordelia was already up, sitting on the terrace next to the pool, her back to the house, the dogs lying by her feet. Tabitha packed her washbag in her suitcase, took a deep breath and went outside.

‘Morning,’ she said, joining Cordelia at the table laid with fruit, yogurt, toast and coffee.

‘Morning.’ Cordelia offered her a weak smile. ‘I hope you managed to sleep okay in the end.’

Although pristinely dressed with flawless make-up, she looked tired, as if the oomph had been taken out of her. Not that Tabitha was surprised after the events of last night.

She was thankful when Rufus hobbled onto the terrace and joined them with a beaming smile. Sitting outside having breakfast reminded Tabitha of her and Raff doing the same that first morning together. How easily they’d fitted into each other’s lives. Despite the ups and downs, he’d made quite the impression, which left her feeling uncertain, conflicted, sad… So many emotions were swirling around her head.

Rufus broke any lingering tension. A good sleep had energised him and he was as chatty as he’d been when he’d picked Tabitha up from the airport, filling the silence with anecdotes from their holiday, all of the incredible experiences they’d had before his accident, from a boat safari on the Rufiji River, to a wine tour in the Stellenbosch region of South Africa. Both Tabitha and Cordelia were happy to listen and eat.

With breakfast polished off and coffee drunk, Rufus started to gather together the empty plates and bowls.

Cordelia dabbed her lips with her napkin, dropped it on her empty plate and looked at Tabitha. ‘Walk with me.’

Tabitha glanced at Rufus, who gave her an encouraging smile but grabbed her arm before she could follow Cordelia. He waited until his wife was out of earshot. ‘I just want you to know, I should have been there for Raff more.’ His jaw clenched and the upbeat bravado that had been on display over breakfast evaporated. ‘Although it was my wife’s idea to send him to boarding school, I went along with it, even though I knew he wasn’t happy. I didn’t do anything about it. I was busy and never had the time; it’s not an excuse, just the truth. I told myself he’d be better off back in England getting a good education with lots of friends his own age.’ He looked at her with tight lips and sorrow in his eyes. ‘That’s not all I’m sorry for. I should have fought his corner too. Cordelia was adamant he’d stolen from us. Too often I’ve turned a blind eye in exchange for an easy life when I shouldn’t have done.’ He shrugged and gestured down the garden. ‘She’s waiting; you’d better go and join her.’

Tabitha watched him hobble away, the dogs padding after him as she digested his words. Revelations like this were all well and good, but it wasn’t her who needed to hear them. Sadness clenched her heart at the thought that Raff had missed out on his father’s apology.

With a sigh, she wandered down the garden, taking strength from the warmth of the morning sun and the calming green of the surroundings. Cordelia was by the hammock, her hand resting on the trunk of the palm tree. She turned when Tabitha reached her.

‘I owe you an apology.’

Tabitha shook her head. ‘You really don’t.’

Cordelia held up her hand. ‘I owe Julie one too, and Raff.’ She sighed. ‘I did apologise to Julie last night.’ She paused and fiddled with the rings stacked on her fingers. ‘The thing is, I’ve always envied Julie, at least her ability to connect with Raff when I couldn’t. She’s been there for him when I wasn’t and I didn’t really understand why until last night. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never given her the time of day, never actually talked to her, just made assumptions. I honestly thought because she and Anton didn’t have children it was because they’d chosen not to, while I’ve struggled juggling my career with motherhood.’

Tabitha didn’t know what to say so she went with nothing, giving Cordelia the opportunity to unload.

‘I didn’t want to have children.’ Cordelia twisted the bangle on her wrist. She didn’t meet Tabitha’s eyes, staring instead across the bottom of the garden glimmering in the heat haze of the morning. ‘That’s the absolute truth.’ She swiped angrily at her eyes and gave a hollow laugh. ‘I don’t think I’ve admitted that to anyone apart from my husband.’

‘You didn’t feel differently when you found out you were pregnant?’ Tabitha thought back on the all-consuming feeling of love that she hadn’t anticipated once she’d come to terms with her own unexpected pregnancy.

‘No. I wanted to, desperately so, because despite not wanting to be a mother, I never once contemplated not going through with it.’ She took a shuddery breath. ‘Actually, that’s a lie, I did contemplate it, I just knew that wasn’t an option.’

‘What about Rufus? How did he feel?’

‘Shocked, then worried about how much our comfortable life would change. He got me through a difficult pregnancy and birth, though. We made the best of it, but it was easier for him. I had to take time off, while he continued his career. It was my life that was hugely disrupted and I was incredibly envious of him being able to escape to the City for work. He got to meet people and carry on with his life. I loathed being a stay-at-home mum and wife and being supported by him. I went back to work after just a few months. We were lucky Rufus’s parents weren’t too far away, plus we had a nanny. I’ll openly admit I wasn’t a hands-on mum. My focus was always on my work and then building our business. I honestly thought Raff would be better off spending holidays in a place like this,’ she swept her hands towards the garden and ocean view, ‘yet still having the education we felt he deserved back in England.’

‘He needed you, though. Both of you. It’s obvious from the time I’ve spent with him, he’s always craved your love, however much he’s tried to push you away.’

Cordelia nodded and bit her lip, her cheeks flushing. ‘I know; Julie said. I appreciate that I didn’t consider the impact it would have on him being away from our home, family and friends. I also understand that her openness and maternal spirit was exactly what Raff needed.’ She looked at Tabitha with red-rimmed eyes. ‘I didn’t know what Julie had gone through. Anton too. Trying and failing to have a family of their own. Such heartache.’

This softer, empathetic side to Cordelia took Tabitha by surprise. It made her hopeful that there was a way Cordelia and Rufus would be able to rebuild a relationship with Raff. If only he’d stayed.

Cordelia finished talking and they strolled back up the garden together. Perhaps a newly created openness and understanding between Cordelia and Julie would help to heal the hurt; their mutual love for Raff bringing them together. They just needed Raff now to finish the healing process.

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