Page 69 of An Island in the Sun

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your family’s expectation for you to settle down – we’re programmed to want that, for our parents to want that for us. It’s been similar with my parents, except their expectation for me has been my schooling, then to go to a prestigious university. They wanted me to go to Oxford or Cambridge; I opted for Royal Holloway in London. Nothing wrong with that, and despite dicking around, I managed to get a 2:1, but it wasn’t the course or universitytheywould have chosen. They wanted me to have a serious career and succeed, to make something of myself in a field they could be proud of. They found wealth through hard work and wanted to set me up, but it feels as if they wanted me to be an extension of themselves. It sounds like your parents and sister and everyone are coming from a good place wanting to see you settled and in love, to start a family… Misguided maybe if it wasn’t truly what you wanted, but at least they love you.’

‘And you don’t think your parents do? Isn’t them giving you that sort of education and helping you achieve, their own way of showing you their love?’ Tabitha held up her hands. ‘Before you say anything, I’m well aware of how that sounds and that it was far from the love and support you needed or deserved. Perhaps they’re misguided too.’

Raff shook his head. ‘Your family loves you, Tabitha. My parents sent me away as a kid and never had time for me when I was back. I was an inconvenience. They wanted a trophy son and I disappointed them. No, worse. They believe I betrayed them; their trust, their love, their support.’

‘Because they accused you of stealing?’ Tabitha asked quietly. He went rigid, his back tense, the muscles on his arms clenched. She held him closer.

‘Yes, expensive jewellery went missing. It was back when I was having a shitty time in London, when I’d got in with the wrong crowd. One of the few times I escaped back here to try to sort my shit out. They accused me of taking stuff to sell to pay for drugs. I’m not proud of how I behaved and lived my life back then, but I’dneverhave done something like that. I was back here because I was trying to make a positive change, not fuel a drug habit. I’ve never forgiven them for not believing me over their cleaner. It was a misunderstanding on their part, but it hurt like hell to have the blame thrown at me when I knew I was innocent. I went straight back to the UK. They fired their cleaner not long after. Make of that what you will.’ Bitterness threaded through his words.

‘Oh Raff,’ she said, snuggling closer. ‘I don’t blame you for not forgiving them, but maybe it’s time you confronted them?’

‘How did this conversation turn from talking about you to me?’ He traced his thumbs across her face, wiping away the rest of her tears. ‘You can’t do things because it’s what your family want. You need to liveyourlife, Tabitha, the way you want to.’

‘I know, that’s what I intended to do. That’s what I am doing.’ She shifted closer, cupped his stubbled cheeks in her hands and kissed him. She pulled away and smiled. ‘Thank you for listening and being you.’

She felt wrung out but also freer somehow after talking to Julie and now Raff. First the miscarriage, then splitting with Lewis had sent her life spiralling. Sitting here with Raff, she felt grounded, as if the merry-go-round of life with all its ups and downs had momentarily stilled.

‘Do you fancy going to bed?’ He swept a wayward curl off her face.

Tabitha nodded.

‘Alone, or er…’

‘I don’t want to be alone.’ She scrambled to her feet and held out her hand. ‘But, um, we really shouldn’t sleep in your parents’ bed.’

Raff’s concerned look morphed into a grin. Taking her hand, he stood and led her upstairs.

31

For the second morning in a row, Tabitha woke in bed with Raff. After their emotional conversation the night before, with Raff suggesting she lived her life the way she wanted, it was beginning to become clear what that was, and he was lying next to her. She was getting way ahead of herself, but it felt unbelievably good with his arm heavy across her waist, his bare skin warm against hers. After being on her own for more than a year, she knew she was getting swept up in the deliciousness of the moment. He was hot as hell and the sex was amazing – surely that was why she felt like this?

The dogs weren’t in the room. Guilt ebbed through her that she’d upset their routine. Cordelia would not be happy if she knew that Tabitha had put her own needs above those of her beloved dogs.

Tabitha reached for her phone, but it wasn’t on the bedside table. She remembered she hadn’t had it since yesterday afternoon either. She yawned and tried to slip out from under Raff’s arm, but he groaned and pulled her closer, his arms encircling her, his body firm as he spooned her, his hands gliding up to cup her breasts.

‘I need to feed Misty and the dogs,’ she whispered, laughing as she peeled his hands away and scooted off the bed before her resolve vanished.

She pulled on knickers, threw on her T-shirt from the day before and left Raff sprawled on the bed, naked and enticing.

It was Monday morning and she needed to get up, face the day and get on with work. However much she wanted to, she couldn’t stay in bed having sex with Raff.

Fudge was lying on the landing with his head on his paws, probably confused why the sleeping arrangements were different, but he padded downstairs after her. Tabitha found Bailey in his bed in Cordelia and Rufus’s room. He woke immediately and followed her and Fudge into the kitchen. Misty slunk in, winding her body around Tabitha’s legs.

With the dogs and Misty tucking into their breakfast, Tabitha retrieved her phone from her bag in the living room. It had been there since they’d got back from the wedding. There were missed calls from Cordelia, one made just a few minutes earlier, and a voice message. As she clicked on it, Raff came down the stairs in just his pants.

‘Come back to bed,’ he said, trailing his hand across her hips. ‘Who are you phoning?’

She put her finger to her lips as the answerphone message started.

‘Tabitha, it’s Cordelia. When you get this, call me back asap.’

That was all there was and she sounded stressed.

‘Shit.’ Tabitha deleted the message.

‘What’s up?’ Raff asked.

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