Page 53 of An Island in the Sun

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Oh I do, Tabitha, don’t kid yourself.’

‘I wasn’t infatuated with him the way you were with Mai, and anyway, he broke my heart worse than if we’d been in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. He made promises he didn’t keep and was happy for his career to skyrocket while mine stayed stagnant. It’s taken me years to get past the upset and hurt and to begin to want to be anywhere near him again.’

23

After chatting together for a while longer, Tabitha and Raff swapped the fresh night air, star-dusted sky and golden lights of Funchal for the pulsing beat, heat and glittering silver lights inside the club. It had been a long time since Tabitha had partied until the early hours of the morning and she felt so alive.

Ollie certainly wasn’t short of attention, swamped by clubbers every time he left the privacy of the VIP area. Tabitha did wonder if he’d headed into the main part of the club because he craved the attention. He was well known worldwide, but he was a household name on Madeira, along with Cristiano Ronaldo, and although he didn’t live on the island all the time, he was obviously well-loved.

Tabitha hadn’t expected to spend much of the party with Ollie, and apart from their initial conversation, they only had fleeting moments together. She’d spent more time with Raff. He was assured enough to not stick by her side all night, allowing them both to mingle and chat to other people before radiating back together.

Over the last few years she’d been conflicted about what she wanted from life and the expectations of those around her, Lewis in particular. Watching her older siblings all find partners and have kids had somehow put pressure on her to do the same, even if none of her immediate family suggested anything of the sort. The freedom now though…

Tabitha had lost track of time, but it was late or early depending on how you looked at it. She and Raff were on the main dance floor. Ollie was somewhere else in the crush with friends, with fans, with clubbers. The beat pulsed through Tabitha. Her hands were in the air, the heat of other clubbers surrounding her, Raff close in front. The movement of other people pushed them closer, the brief connection of hot skin sticky against hers like a lightning bolt. The music pounded, bodies grinding, the pulsing beat ricocheting through her. Lights flashed blue-green, ice-white on the slow motion of dancers in every direction. Freedom, freedom, freedom, thumped through her head in time to the beat.

Tabitha flung her head back, reached her hands higher towards the glitter ball. Hands on her waist. Raff laughing, Raff dancing, Raff inches from her.

Raff, Raff, Raff…

The tempo changed and the music switched beats. Tabitha took Raff’s hand and led him through the throng of dancers. She wanted to end the night on a high, to leave the party before the bitter end, to escape before the music died, the lights went up and the magic dispersed. Tabitha slowed before they reached the VIP area and leaned back against Raff. ‘I think we should call it a night.’

‘Yeah, that’s fine by me.’

She was pressed against him. His free hand rested on her hip, his other still entwined in hers. They remained like that a heartbeat or two longer, between the dance floor and Ollie’s party. Tabitha thought about reaching up and running her hand along his stubbled jaw, imagined his hands sliding up her body, turning her around until they were facing each other, eyes locked, lips temptingly close from…

‘Tabitha!’

Ollie had clocked them. Their trance was broken.

Tabitha moved, increasing the distance between herself and Raff until they were ensconced back in the VIP area. Ollie, clutching a bottle of wine, was dancing towards them.

‘We’re going to make a move,’ Tabitha said as Ollie reached them, realising how the use of ‘we’ sounded very much as if she and Raff were a couple, rather than just friends.

‘You’re leaving already?’ Ollie flung an arm around both of their shoulders and attempted to steer them back towards the bar.

‘It’s gone three in the morning, Ollie.’

‘When has that ever stopped us, Tabs?’

‘That was a long time ago.’

Her late teens to her mid-twenties had been filled with alcohol-fuelled late nights, all the way through university and beyond when she’d toured with bands. Sell-out stadium shows every few days in a different UK city, then a few months spent bouncing from one show to the next throughout Europe, until she gave that lifestyle up to settle down. That was the truth of it. Yes, she’d fallen in love, but as she’d edged towards her thirties, the expectation of friends and family had played their part too. It was hard to ignore friends who had normal jobs, who were beginning to settle down with partners, buy a house, plan for the future. A part of her had craved some stability, to find out what it was like to live in one place for a while, have a home and somewhere she belonged, yet the truth was all that ‘normality’, for want of a better word, scared the bejesus out of her.

Ollie planted a smacker on Tabitha’s cheek and released his hold on her. ‘Keep in touch this time, eh?’ He was swaying slightly, his arm still clamped across Raff’s shoulder and she wasn’t sure if it was Raff who was keeping him upright or not. Ollie jabbed a finger into Raff’s side and locked his arm around his neck in a rugby-type hold. ‘Look after her, mate.’ Raising the wine bottle, Ollie released Raff and walked backwards, fixing his drunken gaze on Tabitha. ‘Let’s make time to write together.’ He took a swig from the bottle. ‘But not tonight!’

‘Happy birthday, Ollie.’ Tabitha gave him a wave and walked away, Raff following, leaving behind the dum dum dum beat echoing into the pre-dawn as they clattered downstairs and out into the relative quiet of the street.

Voices drifted down from the club’s open roof terrace. A dog barked, setting another one off. Drunken shouts sounded from other revellers a street or two away. They’d partied through the night and it was nearly the start of a whole new day. Tabitha doubted she’d have stayed out this late if she hadn’t been with Raff. Ollie had made time for her, for them both, but he was constantly encircled by other people, his entourage and new friends.

Tabitha yawned and Raff laughed.

‘Let’s find a taxi.’ He hooked his arm in hers and led her along the street, away from the drifting music, Ollie and her past.

* * *

They were both quiet, consumed by thoughts, as the taxi drove through the glinting streets of Funchal into the outskirts and the nearby towns that edged the island like limpets clinging to a rock. Now the adrenaline of the night had subsided, Tabitha attempted to sift through her feelings for both Ollie and Raff in a haze of tiredness. Her long-time friend and her new one. One friend who had betrayed her, the other one who’d ignited something inside her. After months of being on her own and keeping very much to herself, her time on Madeira had been drastically different. Maybe it was a good thing to be confronted with the past and deal with it, as Raff had suggested. Ollie was just one aspect, the other was how to get over Lewis, how to move on from the breakdown of their relationship. Did she want to be on her own? She’d thought so. Lewis had constricted her; the more he pushed for commitment, the more she’d pulled away, and yet, becoming pregnant when it was the last thing she’d ever wanted had opened her eyes and her heart to a whole other life, one she hadn’t ever imagined. Instinctively, Tabitha’s hand fluttered to her stomach.

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