Page 44 of An Island in the Sun

‘It’s fine. I don’t come back here often and usually it’s from necessity rather than wanting to, but perhaps it’s a good thing to confront the past. Julie in particular was my one constant through my teens. I was only here during the holidays and the older I got, the less I came back. And, honestly, I spent more time with Julie and Anton than I did my own parents. They’re good people and I know how my parents talk about them.’ His jaw clenched and his face darkened. ‘They have very different personalities, which says it all really.’

‘Instead of sneaking around here, why didn’t you just go to Julie’s? I’m pretty sure she’d welcome you with open arms.’

‘Oh, I know she would, it’s just I don’t want to ever put her in a difficult position with my parents, plus they’ve done enough trying to help me “fix” my life in the past; I don’t want to be a burden to them.’

‘I’m sure they wouldn’t think of it like that.’

‘You know them that well, do you?’ he said sharply.

Tabitha was taken aback.

‘I’m sorry.’ Raff ran a hand through his hair. ‘That was uncalled for; I know you were only trying to be helpful. Everything back here is complicated; everything back in London is too. Perhaps what I really need to do is escape somewhere, bounce about from one place to another where no one knows me. Run away. That’s what you’ve been doing, right?’

Tabitha nodded, accepting it was only fair to open up to him since he’d begun to share a little with her. ‘The short version is I was in love, but we weren’t right for each other. We both went into the relationship knowing that we were very different, except instead of accepting our differences, he slowly started to chip away at the things that made me, well, me.’

‘Like what?’

‘My job for one. I was a musician as much as a songwriter – I’ve never craved the limelight, but the buzz of performing, that’s on a whole other level. Touring with bands, playing the guitar, singing backing vocals, being a part of a massive show, whether in a stadium or an arena…’ Tabitha imagined it now; instead of looking out on the moon-dappled ocean, it was a sea of faces, screaming fans waving their arms in the air, singing along to a song she’d co-written. It was the thrill of performing that she missed, yet hearing a song she’d written on the radio or watching it performed on TV equalled it, just in a different way.

‘He stopped you doing that?’ Raff asked.

‘He didn’t give me an ultimatum as such, just wore me down, you know that kind of shit. A lot of conversations focused on how difficult it was for our relationship with me being far away for long periods of time.’ Tabitha heard the bitterness in her voice. ‘I was living in central London but moved in with him in Wimbledon because he had a nicer place, then when things got serious and he started talking about buying somewhere together, he suggested I quit touring – he didn’t want us to make that kind of commitment unless I was going to be home more.’

‘That sounds like an ultimatum to me…’

‘I should have seen the signs then, but what did I know, I was in love – or at least I believed I was – and for once it felt like a proper relationship.’ Tabitha shrugged in a way that suggested love trumped everything, and so she’d thought at the time. ‘Itwasa proper relationship rather than a casual thing, hooking up with one of the backstage crew on tour.’

‘That’s what you used to do?’ He raised an eyebrow.

‘Don’t look at me like that. That was my life back then. Shoot me for having fun.’

‘Nah, I get it. Sounds pretty sweet.’

‘It was, but not something I would have carried on with forever. It’s just I wanted to decide that in my own time. And the whole settling down in one place thing. Ugh.’ She pretended to shiver.

‘You like being free. I understand that completely.’ He leaned back in his chair and looked wistful, pursing his lips as if considering whether he should say anything else. ‘The one thing going to boarding school gave me was confidence – being away from home, meeting new people, making new friends, travelling on my own during school holidays to family in the UK or back here. I’d led a pretty sheltered life up till then. Uni was the same and I only came back here because I didn’t have the money at the time to fend for myself, but as soon as I finished and started earning, I was gone. I’ve done lots of things and been successful in my own way, but nothing that has ever made my parents proud.’

Raff echoed what Julie had said earlier about Cordelia and Rufus and their opinion of their son. It was a heart-breaking admission, particularly when she came from a big family with parents who supported her and her siblings no matter what. She wanted to say that she was sure his parents were proud of him, but it would be empty words. She didn’t know that. And there must have been a reason why Cordelia and Rufus, when welcoming her into their home to look after their beloved dogs and cat, had failed to mention they had a son. Julie had said something about Raff stealing… Not that she was going to bring that up now. The fact that there were no family photos on display spoke volumes. It would be heartless to try to make Raff feel better when she didn’t fully understand where the breakdown of his and his parents’ relationship stemmed from.

It was dark and quiet at the bottom of the garden. The fairy lights only cast a little light and the shadowy palms gave the impression of the darkness looming closer. A couple of moths fluttered, but apart from that and an occasional rumbling snore from one of the dogs, the night was still, the sound of the ocean distant.

‘As we’re being honest with each other,’ Raff suddenly said, breaking the stillness, ‘there’s actually another reason why I’m here. It’s not just about money – or lack of it.’ He gazed thoughtfully out into the night. ‘A friend’s getting married and I didn’t want to turn down the invite. It seemed perfect, coinciding with the house being empty. Or so I thought.’ He gently nudged his fist against her shoulder.

‘I scuppered your plans.’

‘Far from it,’ he said, glancing at her. ‘I’ve enjoyed your unexpected company, although I’m not sure you’ll say the same about me…’

Tabitha was uncertain how to answer that, so she left him hanging. Although, when she really thought about it, there were moments over the past few days when she’d enjoyed his company too. What she hadn’t been prepared for was him taking advantage of the situation and abusing her trust.

And then there was Elspeth, encouraging her to get to know Raff, rather than berating her for having allowed a strange bloke to crash at the villa. But was being lonely a good enough reason to throw caution to the wind and let someone into her heart? Because that was what she feared was beginning to happen with Raff. They kept on being drawn back together – mainly because of Raff’s situation – but there was an undeniable connection. Were they destined to be nothing more than a fleeting moment in each other’s lives, friends or something more? Either way, she liked this more thoughtful, quieter side to him. His looks had initially attracted her, while his easy-going nature and flirtation had won her over. Now it felt as if she was finally getting to know him a little.

She contemplated what she should do. Her head was telling her to walk away, to not allow him to elbow his way into her life for a third time, yet her heart was screaming louder to give him another chance, to have more time to get to know and understand him, to peel away the layers. Her life wasn’t straightforward, her emotions were all over the place, so why would it be any different for him? And weren’t they both doing the same thing, escaping everything while trying to figure out the direction their lives should take? Not that she should open her arms and invite him in to the house she was responsible for without conditions; she needed to be able to trust him first.

Her phone pinged, dragging her attention away from her decision. She clicked on the message from Ollie.

I can’t even begin to explain how good it was to see you again. Seriously, I’ve missed you like crazy. I know I’ve made huge mistakes and hope I can make it up to you. Can’t wait to see you again next week. X

Acknowledging the fluttering in her chest his words evoked, Tabitha switched off the screen and looked across the fairy-light-lit deck at Raff. ‘I tell you what, if you don’t mind bunking in here, you can stay.’

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