Page 34 of An Island in the Sun

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It was a week since Tabitha had arrived on Madeira and she was behind with work after so many distractions. The cleaner, Dolores, was arriving this morning for two hours, so Tabitha set herself up in a shady spot on the terrace and kicked off her day with a Zoom call to her producer at the record label. They confirmed three weeks in Nashville in November for her to write with a new up-and-coming country singer with a pop vibe. The dogs kept her company; Fudge in particular stuck by her, and although he was still limping, he seemed better, following her everywhere.

In the evening, she searched through house sits and started to figure out her plans for the rest of the year. Elspeth had said about staying with them and there was no reason why Tabitha couldn’t. She could work from there and have her own place to stay while getting to spend time with them all. A hug from her sister was long overdue. Despite having been incredibly upset with him, Raff’s hug when Fudge had been missing had felt so good. Her thoughts were taken over by her hazy memory of kissing Raff in the hallway – hot and passionate, his hands tingling against her bare skin. And that’s where the memory ended. But that was messy and complicated. A hug with her nieces and big sister was what she wanted.

After all the commotion with Raff and Emilio, then Fudge, Tabitha’s mind had at least been taken away from worrying about seeing Ollie again, but when a message pinged onto her phone with the time and place to meet in Funchal the following evening, thoughts about him resurfaced.

Elspeth phoning after she’d got the kids to bed would have been a good distraction except all she wanted to talk about was Ollie.

‘What are you going to say to him, Tabs?’

‘I don’t know,’ Tabitha said with a sigh. ‘A lot probably. We have years’ worth of stuff to catch up on.’

‘And even if you haven’t seen him, you know pretty much everything about him. His life is plastered over the internet.’ There was a brief pause. ‘Do you think you’ll meet his girlfriend?’

‘I hope not.’ Tabitha wrinkled her nose at the idea of being joined by his model girlfriend. ‘I’m hoping it’s just me and him, but I guess he might invite other people to make the situation less awkward. Although he does sound happy about it in his messages.’

‘Well, it’s a good thing.’ Elspeth paused again. Tabitha knew her sister was building up to saying something that she thought she perhaps shouldn’t say. ‘Are you going to tell him everything that’s happened to you over the past year or two? You know, about Lewis, about the baby…’

Tabitha’s jaw clenched as she fought with her emotions. She didn’t want to think about having lost a baby. It had been an early miscarriage, something that happened to countless women, and yet Elspeth bringing it up now hit her hard. A gut-wrenching upset that had followed her for the last twelve months. ‘Why would I say anything about that to him?’ She could hear her voice, strained and tearful.

‘I’m sorry, Tabs. That was thoughtless of me. It’s just I know you used to tell each other everything—’

‘Back when I trusted him, I did. I haven’t talked to anyone about what happened apart from you and Mum and Dad.’ Tabitha curled her feet beneath her and gazed out through the open doors at the darkening sky. Her brothers and other sister knew what had happened too, but she hadn’t discussed it with them. No, what she’d done was run away. Talking to Ollie about their fallout would be a massive step, going beyond that into the events that had happened since felt way too personal and painful. It was as Julie had said, to grieve was to have known love. The strength of her feelings about something that she had barely been able to wrap her head around had shocked her to her core. How could she love something that hadn’t even seemed real?

‘You’ve gone quiet, Tabs.’

‘Yeah, sorry, I’m overthinking tomorrow. I just need to meet him and see how I feel spending time with him again. See how he reacts to me, then take it from there.’

‘That sounds rather wise. And you know where I am if you need to talk. Any time, Tabs. Just call me.’

15

Travelling on her own didn’t faze Tabitha; she could cope with delayed flights and the nail-biting rush to catch the last train, navigate her way around an unfamiliar city or make small talk with a stranger, yet the thought of seeing Ollie after all these years made her hands sweat and gave her butterflies. The last time she’d felt this nervous had been before she’d told Lewis about the miscarriage – the pregnancy he hadn’t even known about. Even the memory of trying to put into words her feelings and her thought process for having not told him left her in a cold sweat. If she’d been able to do all of that, she could certainly have a drink with Ollie.

Despite saying to Elspeth the evening before that she didn’t want to overthink things, she couldn’t help but feel as if she needed to get tonight right, from what she was wearing to how to approach the situation with Ollie. Allowing their friendship to disintegrate had been the easiest way for her to get past the hurt he’d caused, but the trouble with that was she’d never got round to dealing with those feelings. She’d avoided him and ignored his messages and calls to the point where, swept up in his own success, he’d given up trying to contact her.

It was fine to be nervous, Tabitha reasoned as she stared at herself in the bedroom mirror, debating if the sleeveless black playsuit paired with bronze sandals and chunky bangles hit the right going-out-yet-casual vibe. She had reached out and that was a good thing. She couldn’t continue to keep running away from situations or push her emotions deep inside to deal with later. Sometimes the best time was right now. This house sit on Madeira was the perfect opportunity to face up to past disappointment and find a way to move forward, perhaps even regain some semblance of a friendship with Ollie.

After a faltering start where she’d holed herself away from everyone, her motto over the past six months at least had been to embrace new opportunities and see where they would lead, all while figuring out where she wanted to be. That was the key thing: where. She knew what she wanted to do – at least for the next four or five years – build the songwriting career she’d worked hard for, maybe even get back into touring as a musician. The more difficult question was how to figure out where she belonged when she felt so adrift. Perhaps tonight was the first step on that journey.

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It felt extravagant getting a taxi to Funchal rather than driving, but Tabitha needed Dutch courage and couldn’t face seeing Ollie for the first time in years without having a glass of wine or two. Unless he’d dramatically changed, which from his social media was unlikely, a night out with him would be alcohol-fuelled and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. With a sinking feeling, she realised that Raff reminded her a little of Ollie. They had a similar confidence, were at ease with themselves and around other people, had the gift of the gab and knew they were good-looking. Even before Ollie had become famous, he was like that, with a cheekiness you couldn’t help but like, dimples when he smiled and boyish good looks that made people assume he was in a boyband even before he was a pop star.

The taxi driver dropped her off in front of a posh hotel on the edge of Funchal’s old town and she made her way up to the 360° rooftop bar. She was early, but with nerves jangling her stomach, she’d rather be first and settle down with a drink to calm herself.

Ollie had booked a table. She noticed the waiter appraising her when she gave the name Ollie Pereira. He was well known worldwide, but on Madeira he was thought of as a local boy done good, even if he had grown up in the UK. The waiter led her past the bar and beyond the long curved pool that edged the rooftop to a corner table with a view over the city. He returned with a glass ofponcha, a local drink made of sugar cane rum, honey, sugar and lemon juice, along with small bowls of lupin seeds and unshelled peanuts.

As Tabitha sipped the exceedingly good and refreshing liquid and gazed over Funchal glittering gold in the darkness, the nerves began to ease. She could do this. It was an opportunity to fix at least one part of her life and technically it was the easiest compared to wading through the confusing and muddled feelings left from the break-up with Lewis.

She didn’t have long to wait and mull over the past. It was Ollie’s familiarity that hit her first. Along with her family, Elspeth in particular, Ollie had been her closest friend. Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, they’d been best friends, never allowing partners to get in the way of their friendship, even when their relationship was questioned by one or two of those partners. As he strode across the rooftop bar towards her, she realised he had changed a little; his look was edgier and there was more of a swagger, a confidence he’d grown into, perhaps having got used to his fame. She noticed the glances in his direction as he rounded the pool with green and purple lights reflecting in its surface – he certainly wasn’t trying to hide who he was.

Ollie neared her and Tabitha stood. When he went in for a hug, she didn’t resist. And it was a proper bear hug, his arms wrapped tight around her as if he was making up for years’ worth of missed ones.

He released her and held her at arm’s-length. ‘You look bloody amazing, Tabitha!’

‘So do you.’ A jumble of emotions fought to the surface and she didn’t know what she felt: happiness, anger, relief, confusion or a mix of everything.

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