The feathers engulfed me. I felt another’s quill point in my slit. I felt nails like claws graze over my nipples. A brush of fur ran along my cheek and side. It was like Iwascaught by the Wild Hunt, ripe to be sacrificed to it. But I had meant what I said. I trusted Odin to lead me through the chaos, like he had found his way out of it too. I need only surrender to the darkness to believe it, for wasn’t covering my eyes to begin with a blessing? To witness the Wild Hunt foretold of one's demise, but my story did not end here.
Odin released, and just as the new quill point left my slit, I did too. A great arch spurted from me, and in our downswing, it splattered upon my chest, mixing with the wetness from Odin’s earlier grinding.
Odin’s. Not Loki’s. Much as it had been nice to pretend. The real Loki awaited.
The chaos waned, and I no longer felt wildness in the hunt, if it remained around us. I was cocooned, safe, in the softness of the gentlest of beasts that roamed the wood.
When our swinging stilled, Odin removed the blindfold, and through my blurry vision, I thought I saw him shift from beast to man as my eyes refocused. I remained limp as he freed me, sitting us in his throne with me in his lap, swaddled in the bindings that had once again become his feathered cloak.
“Um… did I convince you of what you needed to believe?” I asked, feeling it too strange to look at him other than at the hairs on his chest, since what we had shared had been in darkness, with my thoughts straying to another, just like they had with Mimir.
“You did,” Odin said.
“Did I convinceme?” I chuckled.
“You did, young Oli. You are the herald of a new age. I saw it when I drank from Mimir’s well so long ago.”
That sprang up my attention to look at him. “You did?”
“Not you specifically, but what you represent. I saw that I would fail to fight fate, that Ragnarök was inevitable, for now is the time of mortals. I could not fight my destiny, much as I tried, but I was shown that if I could accept that some things are beyond my control, I might discover a greater happiness from that mortal mindset. Your mindset.”
“You make me sound wiser than I am. I fumbled my way to that lesson too.”
“But you reached it, just as you helped others to do so.”
“I don’t feel like I did much of anything for you. The last few gods have been the ones teaching me.”
“I will admit, I had already come to terms with my greatest lesson before you arrived, but it was in helping you learn yours that I am absolved of my final sin.”
“What sin is that?”
Odin swept the cloak from our bodies, and we were each clean and dressed. I hadn’t noticed Yggdrasil’s stitching before now, but it was there, along with Odin’s rune.
He hefted me onto my feet, and I wobbled slightly, not feeling his release in me anymore, though I did feel the ache from that swing.
“That as much as Loki wronged us, we wronged him too by casting him in the role of villain. We didn’t trust him, so he never trusted us. He didn't trust me. But I was not worthy of anyone's trust then, for I focused too much on escaping fate and forgot to lead. If even you, the least likely to trust me, can manage it, I believe my people can too.
“Now, Oli, only you, after learning your final lesson, can help Loki learn his. Go, carry my gratitude and forgiveness to him and tell him I seek forgiveness too.”
“You won’t come with me to tell him yourself?” I asked.
“He is not yet ready to hear it. But he will be.”
There was no Wild Hunt, not visibly, just the same peaceful expanse as when I took in the scenery earlier. And Odin, dressed kingly again, sitting upon his throne.
Some part of me felt like I should kneel or bow or something worshipful, but that wasn’t what he wanted from me.
“I’m not sure I know or understand Loki as much as I should,” I said.
“I think you do,” Odin corrected, “and you deserve to have your desires met with the real god of mischief.”
Then he did know where my thoughts had wandered. He just didn’t mind. “Maybe.Ifhe desires me too.” Because that was the question I still needed to answer. I had felt so certain after drinking from Mimir’s well, but to truly know, I needed to hear it from Loki. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to be wanted. I always had. It had made thralldom bearable. But if I was to be free soon, I had to be enough for me even if no one ever wanted me again.
Odin stood, head held high and presence reinvigorated. “Thank you, Oli, for all you did for my people. Now, they need the All-Father to be the leader I failed to be before. I will never again let their trust be misplaced. And yours should not be either.” He smiled, gripped me by my forearms, and urged me to face the view.
Loki.
I was back in the field where Loki had banished me. The god himself stood within reach, unknowing of my presence.