Page 32 of Last Thrall of Asgard

“Ah!” Balder came, and the scenes on the walls vanished.

It was in the tightness of his clenching aftershocks that I came too.

Balder looked at peace as we caught our breaths. The bed no longer swayed, no haze lingered, and though the bonfire scent did, it was only pleasant remnants.

I eventually unbound the fabric from his wrists, and still inside him, softening, but present, keeping our connection, I massaged the marks that had been left beneath his bracers.

“Tell me,” I asked, “since we are in Hel, can I will our mess away too?”

Balder laughed. “You can. But not yet. I like feeling you. I like… feeling again.”

I rubbed his wrists, soothing the indents from the bindings, and held his gaze as I said, “Balder, despite how you feel now, returning to your brethren might spur those sour feelings up again. It is okay if that happens, but one way you can fight it is to be honest with your loved ones. Tell them how you felt when you thought you felt nothing. Tell them everything.

“Maybe not the dirtier details of my involvement. At least not to your mother.”

He laughed again, just as I had intended.

I wished I’d had someone to confide in as he did.

“But truly, tell them of your sorrow, of the anxious feelings their expectations gave you. It might wound them, but all of them have suffered or are suffering too. Most are broken enough that they are trying to rebuild themselves just like you. Knowing thatperfectBalder has felt similar sorrows might bring them more peace and rouse peace in you.”

Another tear streaked down Balder’s cheek. “Thank you, Oli.”

“You are welcome.” But it was easier to say such things to another.

You are enough.

Do you believe it yet?

Before we disentangled, I could have sworn I felt Loki’s eyes on me again from the memory of Balder’s death.

Once clean and lounging side by side, I asked him, “Only if you are comfortable sharing, but… might I know what it was that Odin whispered to you? Do you know?” He was dead at the time, after all.

“I know,” Balder said. “He meant well, but perhaps it was more than I wanted to hear. ‘You will rise again, my son, better than you were before’.”

“He was right. Because better does not mean perfect either. But it can mean whole.”

I let Balder snuggle close to me and held him until he was ready to be let go.

Leaving Hel was less dramatic than arriving. Once Balder was ready and bid me free to remove myself from him, we were dressed with nary a thought—and my tunic had new stitching again, sporting a sprig of mistletoe.

We left the room together, and while Balder headed for the gates to make his way back home the long way, Hel came to me, placed a hand on my shoulder with a quiet thanks, and in a breath, I was back in Loki’s dining hall with its kitchen and no door.

I almost felt a bit of Balder’s new peace in myself, like a warmth flooding me.

My chair tipped backward, and there was Loki, staring at me from upside down. “What a smile! Fell for the golden god like everyone else does, did you?Tacky. He’s the easy one to fall for.” Loki pushed me upright again to face forward.

I shifted to look at him, but he’d already turned from me, as if he had something worth fussing over in the kitchen. I couldn’tsmell more food. I wouldn’t turn down more ale, but that Loki wasn’t looking at me—when I knew, Iknewhe had been watching each of the encounters I’d had so far in some form or another—made me wonder.

I stood and moved up behind him.

“Jealous?” I asked.

“You dare—” He spun but faltered to finish when he realized how close I was. “Um,presumesuch a thing?”

“You said you needed me brave.” I stepped closer. “Bold. Someone unwilling to merely worship at the gods’ feet. I have no intention of worshipping. Orfallingfor anyone, whether to my knees or otherwise.”

“Unless part of services rendered?”

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